It's Cool

Possible rain showers today across North Texas and I couldn't be happier!  My poor plants desperately need rain!  Although we water regularly, our plants and flowers are so burnt from the excessive sun and heat.  We had 11 straight days of triple digits, temps dropped for a few days (when I say dropped, I mean they dipped under 100), and then they were back up into triple digits.  This week we should be in the low- to mid-90's and it seems like everyone is over the heat and ready for football season.  I think I read somewhere that as of the other day, we had 5 Saturday's to go for college kick-off. 

We've finished season three of Last Chance U on Netflix.  Loved the first two seasons, season three was just as good despite a different state, different JuCo team, new coach, new players and, as one of the coaches states, "a whole new set of knuckleheads."  BTW, "knuckleheads" has been Coach's go-to phrase for years.  We first noticed him saying it when he coached high school but basically, everyone's a knucklehead -- the guy driving in front of him, someone at work, the person at the grocery store who leaves their shopping cart in the parking lot rather than walking it back to the store, etc. 

We had such a nice relaxed weekend.  Friday we grabbed a bite to seat, I had a hair appointment Saturday and that night we saw the new "Mission Impossible" movie.  Say what you want about Tom Cruise and his Scientology beliefs, the guy just doesn't make a bad movie (with the exception of "Vanilla Sky" and that weird movie he made with then wife Nicole Kidman).  "Mission Impossible" was kind of long (over 2 hours) but it had a great story line and, of course, it was action packed!  Tom Cruise is 56 and does most of his own stunts and if he's had plastic surgery, it's been subtle.  He looks fabulous.  And I was surprised to see Vanessa Kirby (she played Princess Margaret in Netflix's "The Crown") as the White Widow and Rebecca Ferguson as Ethan Hunt's love interest (she's from "The White Queen" on Starz -- she portrayed Elizabeth Woodville who eventually became Queen Elizabeth).  Oh!  And Henry Cavill (aka Super Man).  He's so good looking but had a horribly cheesy mustache in the movie.  I love it when my Hollywood worlds collide! 

I was also very happy to watch the trailers for two new Claire Foy movies:  "The First Man" (Ryan Gosling plays Neil Armstrong, Claire Foy his wife) https://www.firstman.com/ and "The Girl in the Spider's Web" https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/girl-spiders-web-trailer-claire-foy-plays-lisbeth-salander-1117969  A far cry from her role as Queen Elizabeth in "The Crown." 

Sunday afternoon we watched some videos from KJ's childhood as a little walk down memory lane before she heads off to school.  Holy cow.  She was freaking adorable.  She had that accident falling off a friend's swing and lost her front teeth way too early.  So she was even cuter.  We watched some video from Prince of Peace pre-school holiday programs, Halloween at the pumpkin patch, a couple of Christmas's in NY and PA, sledding, shooting guns, bears walking around, visiting Santa, fireworks, getting our puppy Buddy, my beautiful nephew Brandon as a baby (he was a GORGEOUS baby!), t-ball, soccer, cheer and princess camp @ the local My Gym. 

So here we are.  Exactly 30 days until KJ moves into her freshman dorm at Ole Miss.  30 days folks.  This is not a drill.  This is really happening! 

According to Dictionary.com, the definition of an empty nester is the following: 
emp·ty nest·er

noun

North Americaninformal

plural noun: empty nesters

1. a parent whose children have grown up and left home.

However, according to Wikipedia the definition for Empty Nest Syndrome, is this:
Empty nest syndrome is a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home for the first time, such as to live on their own or to attend a college or university. It is not a clinical condition.

And according to Physcology Today, it's this: 

Definition. Empty nest syndrome refers to feelings of depression, sadness, and, or grief experienced by parents and caregivers after children come of age and leave their childhood homes. This may occur when children go to college or get married.

 

 

While I'm sure I will experience some sadness at my baby chick having flown the nest, my favorite article on being an empty nester is from WikiHow: 

https://www.wikihow.com/Celebrate-Being-an-Empty-Nester

 

Take pride in your accomplishment. Raising children is an enormous, life-defining and intense job. Now is the time to revel in the fact that you “made” it and produced an independent child (or children), ready to taken on the challenges of the world. You have now entered a group of human beings who have made an enormous contribution to society by responsibly and consistently raising children to become fine young adults.

• Think about what your child has accomplished. One of the best ways to celebrate your empty nest status is to celebrate your child’s accomplishments. Remind yourself about how far you’ve come and how far your child will go. Even though your child has left the house, he or she will need your continued support and love for the rest of your life––the journey doesn’t end here. Take out the awards, certificates, report cards and other memorabilia that attests to your child's milestones and accomplishments. You had a big part to play in all of these––be proud.

I do not understand parents who boo-hoo when their kids leave for college.  It's like a contest as to who can cry the most on Facebook.  Who can get the most frowny faces.  And, it's always from the parents whose child is going to college an hour or two away.  Not that locale diminishes these feelings, but it's very different when you can visit your child for a quick weekend or they can come home on a whim.  When we moved to Maryland, T was a flight away.  And that was scary sometimes. 

Recognize that you taught your children life lessons, which will allow them to thrive on their own. Be happy that although your nest may be a little bare now, celebrate that you’ve taught your child well and have produced an individual who will go forward as an independent, well-rounded individual.

• Remember that the ultimate goal was to raise your children so they could leave without needing you. After years of diapers, homework supervision, dance recitals and football games, parents tend to forget that the ultimate goal was to raise your child in order for them to leave home, holding forth their accomplishments to help them thrive in this world. While this is a bittersweet moment for most parents, instead of thinking of it as sad, take a celebratory attitude and know that you did your job well and that all those endless hours of being mom's taxi or dad's listening post have now paid dividends.

I was so incredibly excited for T-bone when she went off to college and definitely took pride in the fact that Coach and I had done everything in our power to give her the tools to survive on her own.  While I was sad over the "lasts" of high school, I was so excited for all the "firsts" she was about to experience.  And the same is true for KJ.  She's super duper excited and I'm super duper excited for her.  We've had fun planning her dorm room, making checklists and all that good stuff. 

One of my favorite sessions at Ole Miss Orientation was Mr. Whitman Smith.  I had the pleasure of hearing him speak in 2012 and again in 2018 and he is an absolute treasure.  He starts off with "Raise your hand if your child can wake up with out your assistance."  Many parents in the room raised their hand, many more did not.  He goes on to ask, "Raise your hand if you child knows how to do laundry."  Again, many hands went up.  Many parents looked around the room sheepishly.  "Please raise your hand if your child has been to a doctor's appointment without you."  Don't laugh.  You'd be surprised. 
 Acknowledge your feelings. Celebrating your empty nester status doesn't mean putting on a brave front and denying how you're feeling inside. Indeed, it's important that you acknowledge the feelings and deal with them gently, as well as finding the upbeat path to your new future. It's possible that you're experiencing a whole gamut of feelings, including sadness, guilt at the relief you're suddenly feeling, a sense of loss, feeling lost about your next steps, exhilaration, worry, and so forth. All such feelings are normal and unless they cause you to withdraw or sit on the sofa endlessly wondering what to do next, working through them at your own pace will set them to rest. Above all, let go of guilt, especially if it's caused by thinking you should be feeling sad but you're not; you have done your best and you now deserve this time back to yourself.

• Many empty nesters find that the time after children is a renewal period in which their marriages or relationships with others improve dramatically, mainly due to the fact that not having children around allows for relaxed responsibility and increased freedom.
• If you feel yourself dipping into despair, anxiety or deep sadness, talk to your doctor immediately. It is not uncommon to experience depression or a sense of helplessness after children leave home, especially if you chose to stay home or work part-time to be with them. Suddenly the world can seem like a very large, bewildering place after child-raising and its associated activities, so getting help to make this transition makes good sense.

I remember my mom struggling with being an empty nester.  My brother left for Penn State in mid-August, a few weeks later I got married in October.  My mom said she went from having a full house to nothing.  And she didn't really have anyone to talk to.  Of course, I was planning my wedding, being a newlywed and basking in marital bliss so I had no idea she was going through any of this. 

Recall the days “before kids” and what you enjoyed doing so that you can revive these experiences again now. In the early days of parenthood, parents may long for the days of extended romantic dinners and being intimate without worrying about having the kids in the house. After years of getting used to being parents first and lovers last, it's not surprising to have forgotten about the days of being an intimate couple or even single, and all the wonderful things associated with this such as lack of responsibility and freedom to come and go as you please.

• Tap into passions or hobbies you put on hold when the babies arrived. What were your interests before becoming parents? Perhaps you were an avid painter or a vintage car restoration expert; maybe you simply liked hanging out at pubs or cafes and watching life go by. In some cases, the demands of parenthood, coupled with a career and community roles, consumes every waking hour, leaving no additional room for passions or hobbies. With the kids on their own, now is the time to re-embrace your original loves.
• Revel in the fact that you can finally have some “you” time. Ever feel as if your needs were last on the list when the kids were in the house? Remember that an empty nest means that you have more time to focus on what you want and need. 

Oh, we've got plans!  Trust me!  We've got some long weekends planned, a little travel involved, some projects around the house, etc.  And I plan to blow up KJ's room and her closet. 

Focus more on your career. In a two-parent household, often one parent will scale back in his or her career in order to be home or to work part-time so as to be more available for the kids. Now that the kids have fled the household, you might be keen to turn your focus back to furthering your career or developing your talents in a different area by returning to studies or a bridging course. A lot of nonsense has been touted over the years about the aging brain; nowadays, science has shown that our brain is wired for continual learning no matter what our age and that it really is true that with age comes wisdom, as older people draw on the wealth of their life's experience and what they lack in speed, they make up for in sound judgment. Don't let your age hold you back; we live in an era where changing ourselves every decade is now normal.

Since we moved to Texas three years ago, I have definitely concentrated more on my career than I ever have.  I was very fortunate that my paycheck never went toward bills but towards the fun things -- dance team stuff, Spring Break vacations, volleyball (out of state travel to tournaments, meals, hotel), lacrosse (same as volleyball), homecoming and prom dresses, sorority bill, etc.  So I never really stressed about my job.  Once KJ started driving and had her own car, I went back to work on a much more serious note than all my previous years as a mother.  I didn't go back to work just for something to do, but as something for me.  I actually changed properties to be ensure I was doing something I enjoyed and wanted to do 5-days a week. 

Do something fun and maybe even a little crazy. Celebration includes having fun and living it up, so mark this life change with an event that will go down in history. Action beats moping, and there are plenty of exciting opportunities open to you now, such as:

• Travel. Since you're no longer a slave to your child’s school and after-school activity schedule, book a European cruise in the fall or check out a remote island in the Caribbean in January. In fact, traveling during off times can not only be more enjoyable due to less crowds, it can also be financially less painful. If you're retired, consider road tripping in an RV––the sky (or at least, the very long road) is the limit. If you are retired, be sure to get proof of your age and any welfare status, as many countries will now accept this evidence for giving you reduced entry fees and other specials; make the most of these savings!
• Try a new adventure. For example, if you’ve wanted to skydive, ride in a balloon or try zip lining, go for it. Perhaps in the past you held back, worried that if something happened to you, your children would be orphaned. While there are risks associated with everything, you're entitled to “you” time to go for the out-of-the-ordinary adventure.
• Throw a party. Most likely many of your friends are experiencing the same phenomenon and some may be taking their empty nest particularly hard. Instead of wallowing, have a party, invite your friends and dedicate the party to your new-found freedom. For an added bonus, invite all the kids too––they may be just as thrilled to have their freedom as you having yours.

I don't know about having a party or going on a hot air balloon ride (I wanted to do that one year for Coach's birthday and he absolutely refused), but we will continue to embrace adventure.  We'll still do all the fun stuff we're doing now -- finding new restaurants, exploring downtown Dallas and beyond, concerts, movies, sporting events. 
Make lifestyle changes. Now that your life doesn’t demand that you own a four-bedroom home and drive a minivan, make some changes that will save you money and time. After a few months or even a year, pursue your dreams of independence by making distinct changes that reflect your situation now. Maybe these changes include a hot red sports car, a jacuzzi, a small apartment in a swank part of downtown near the cafes, a trek across the Himalayas or a new business to indulge something you've always wanted to do. Whatever it is, plan well and get going with it. At the very least, stop cruising around in an empty minivan! Here are some common empty nester to-dos:

• Downsize. Has living in the "burbs near the good school districts" lost its charm? If that quaint beach house or condo-in-the-city has been calling your name for the past decade, go for it; if you purchased your home because the local school facilities were so great, there will be another family crashing down your door to get into the neighborhood. And when buying your new home, don’t forget to choose a place with a guestroom, so that your adult child can visit (if not, sofa beds work a treat).
• Move interstate or even overseas. Perhaps you've always dreamed of living somewhere much, much warmer than your current location. With the children gone, this possibility opens up. Depending on your financial resources, you might consider a vacation home in the warmer place, or perhaps a permanent home. Whatever you decide, even reticent children will grow to accept the change, especially when they realize they can have sunny vacation visits.
• Trade your vehicle for a very “un-family friendly” ride. Unless your family “truckster” is new, you may want to consider dumping it for a vehicle that’s made for someone single or a couple. Not only will a zippy new car help you assert your independence, it may save you a few bucks on gas versus the van or SUV you’ve been hauling kids around in for years. Another bonus is that you'll no longer be called on to ferry around everyone else's kids who haven't yet left their nests!
• Embark upon a new career. Have you been working at the same safe-but-unfulfilling-job for years simply because you needed the cash to support your children? Or have you been home the entire time to raise children and finally want to go to work? Now that the kids have found their independence, consider “going for” your dream job. However, do your research and have a concrete plan before switching careers––especially one you’d been in for several years. You might find that things have changed dramatically and you'll need upgrading too; don't feel threatened. See this as a fantastic opportunity to improve your knowledge and skills and to be at the front of the queue again.

Yes!  We've never done the mini-van thing but we have talked about down-sizing and our "forever" home.  I don't need to worry about school districts anymore and would love to get rid of one of our vehicles.  But that's not really possible in suburbia.  Someone recently asked Coach where he thought we'd retire and he said, "Well, Valerie would love to be right in the middle of the action in a downtown loft and walk everywhere."  But then I started to grow lavender this summer.  I love the subtle scent and I started thinking about living the dolce vita overseas.  I can picture myself in Mallorca, Barcelona, Marseille, Aix-En-Provence.  I'd love to grow my own vegetables, shop the local markets, have a late breakfast at a sidewalk café, head to the beach, take a little siesta and dine al fresco in my beautifully decorated courtyard.  Now I just need to convince Coach. 

Celebrate your empty nest... while you can. Economic conditions and the demands of life have made young adult independence a murky area. During a tough job market, some young adults end up moving back in with mom and dad due to economic downsizing or the scarcity of jobs.

• Understand that they could move back in. Especially during the early years, young adults may find it economically advantageous to live at home for a few years. If your child is graduating from college, working in a low paying job or simply trying to save money, he or she may ask if his/her childhood room is still available. It's up to you as to whether or not this situation can be accommodated but know ahead of time what your answer is likely to be, so that you can plan accordingly. After all, if you've since downsized, having your adult child live on the sofa for a year might just end up driving you all crazy!
• Your child and his or her family may need to move back in with you. No matter what age, from job loss to divorce or home repossession, your child may find him/herself in dire straits and need a safe haven. After a divorce, job loss or if your child has experienced a catastrophic situation, he or she may seek solace at your home. Of course, this may never happen, so it's not a reason to hold up your life's plans but do be conscious that if something does happen, you may be called on to lend a helping hand.

I'm just going to ignore this section and act like the author never event wrote it. 

Prepare to be grandparents. Not all children will go on to be parents but most do, so it's probably on the cards for your life eventually. Being grandparents can mean the restoration of the busy, noisy household but this time, on terms that you define well in advance. While grandparents are considered to be ideal caregivers, this doesn't mean that you have to assume this role, especially not daily or long-term. Weigh up what sort of a life you want to be leading now and how much of this includes your grandchildren; don't over-extend yourself or you may resent having to do a second parenthood role.

• With the two household income being more of the norm just to make ends meet for many people, some young parents will ask grandma and grandpa if they could provide childcare duties while they are at work. In fact, some young parents simply assume that the grandparents will be fine with this. For some grandparents, the opportunity provides another chance to help raise a child and is taken up with glee. For others, they’d prefer to just be grandma or grandpa in the background, sharing sporadic play dates (and keeping their nest completely empty). Do not feel you have to oblige if it doesn't work for you; your children will work out other arrangements.

I can not wait to be a grandparent but will never pressure either of my children to get married or have kids.  They will do what is best for them when they are ready. 

Aging Gracefully

I always swore I would try my hardest to age gracefully.  I've always thought that with proper maintenance and preventative measures I would hold off the aging process as long as I could.  I swore I would never do anything to my face -- no fillers, no botox, nothing that would give me weird duck lips or squinty eyes.  Nothing that would make me look like I pulled my pony tail holder too tight. 

Remember when everyone made fun of Brooke Shields' bushy eyebrows?  I think Brooke got the last laugh.  She's probably sitting back, relaxing, saying "Who's laughing now bitches??"

Having said that, I now regret it.  I have, and have always had, extremely thin eyebrows.  I've looked at photos of myself from as far back as high school and I've always had thin brows.  I pluck strays every morning as I'm putting on my make-up but I've never been much of an over-plucker.  And, to make matters worse, my individual eyebrows are long.  Like, really long.  So if you pluck one, it messes up the entire shape of the brow.  Someone suggested I cut my brows (use a brow brush to keep the brows in their natural position but sweep them up to cut off any excess length).  Cutting does help with the length, but they are still thin in shape.  I desperately want to have my brows professionally done. 

My brows aren't as bad as Gwen, Jessica or Drew's but pretty damn close. 

https://www.today.com/style/what-microblading-everything-know-about-eyebrow-trend-t101425
So I've been researching microblading and think that's the way I need to go.  I like my natural shape, they frame my face.  My brows just need to be a little fuller.  T suggested I just fill them in each morning with pencil.  Ugh.  Who wants to do that every morning?  And it's so damn hot in Texas, what if I sweat it off??  And there are a lot of days I don't wear make-up.  So I'd like to have nice brows when I'm in the pool.  The thing that worries me though (and this is why I swear I'll never let a needle near my face) is what if I end of looking like this:

 

 

Or, God forbid, I end up looking like this:  

 

 

Happy Anniversary!

Today in History . . .

On this day, 2007, "Make Mine A Cosmo" was originally introduced as www.cos4.blogspot.com! 

The blog was similar to the Seinfeld show.  It was basically a blog about nothing.  With a little focus and the addition of a professional blog design, the little blog about nothing eventually evolved to the blog it is today:  www.makemineacosmo.com

Make Mine a Cosmo is still basically a blog about nothing.  Nothing specific, sometimes the blog is about travel, about make-up and skin care, new products, the weather.  Sometimes the blog is about sports.  Sometimes the blog is political, sometimes it's raw emotion.  Very rarely is the blog about food or recipes, however the posts are often about family.  Make Mine a Cosmo also reviews books and movies. 

Blog Statistics . . .
Since starting Make Mine a Cosmo, the author has:

• lived in three different states (Alabama, Maryland and Texas)
• has traveled to the following countries:  Italy (Rome twice, Florence twice, Pisa, Assisi, Pompei), Spain (Barcelona and Mallorca), England (London), France (Paris and Marseille), Mexico (Cabo and Playa del Carmen), Caymans, Jamaica
• viewed the Sistine Chapel twice
• climbed a Mayan ruin
• swam in a crystal clear cenote
• learned how to paddle board
• climbed Dunn's River Falls
• sipped champagne at the top of the Eiffel Tower
• gazed upon the Mona Lisa
• climbed all 284 steps to the top of the Arc de Triomphe
• has had both daughters graduate high school
• has had one daughter graduate college
• has lost a gall bladder
• successfully recouperated from a hysterectomy
• celebrated her parent's 50th wedding anniversary
• celebrated her 25th wedding anniversary to her high school sweetheart
• celebrated her (and her husband's!) 50th birthday
• uncovered some interesting facts about her ancestry

If you've been reading Make Mine a Cosmo regularly, thank you!  Looking forward to another 11 years of blogging!

Some of my Favorite Things

I'm not terribly tech savy -- I have a phone, it works, I'm happy.  I have a tablet, it works, I'm happy.  Same thing with my car -- as long as it has 4-wheels, brakes, a radio and A/C, I'm good.  But today I thought I'd share some of my favorite apps / websites / social media accounts. 

First up is the Best of Nextdoor account on Twitter (@bestofnextdoor).  If you are not already on Twitter, get an account NOW.  Then, immediately start following this account.  And get ready to pee your pants from laughing so hard.  This Twitter parody account highlights some of the stupidest, moronic, idiotic stuff posted on the Nextdoor app (which is supposed to be a helpful on-line neighborhood community).  The Nextdoor app is often described often as "Twitter for old people."  My personal favorite is when an innocent post goes horribly wrong and people clap back with:  THIS.  IS.  NOT.  A.  DATING. SITE.

Texas heat is no joke.  I've always drank (drunk??) lots of water throughout the day but thanks to the Drink Water Reminder app I realized I wasn't drinking as much as I should be.  This is a very easy app to use.  Decide what measurements you'll be using (lbs./fluid oz. or kgs), enter your weight, sign up for reminders and you're pretty much good to go!  Keep track of your intake and hydrate away! 

My new favorite Pinterest account was actually brought to my attention by Coach.  Not surprisingly, it's also a parody account called "My Imaginary Well Dressed Toddler."  This account is the brainchild of Tiffany Beveridge, an Australian writer and blogger.  Her imaginary well dressed daughter, "Quinoa," is the coolest kid on the internet.  Why Quinoa?  Beveridge has said "it struck her funny that a grain had become trendy.  Like, so trendy somebody was probably going to name their kid Quinoa."  Quinoa also has very hip friends:  Ridley (he only eats free range chick nuggets), Twerk (the kid's philosophy?  "No shirt, no shoes, no drama, no high fructose corn syrup.").  She's in a coffeehouse band called "Smashed Cucumber" with her friends Rhapsody and Periwinkle.  Her friends Chevron, Eleven, Adderall, Pantone, Atlas, Pabst, Garamond, Hollandaise, and Vinaigrette make occasional appearances, too. 

Coach can fall asleep any where, any time.  I, on the other hand, have difficulty.  If a hot bath with plenty of lavender Epsom salt doesn't work, I use the Relax Melodies app for meditation, white noise, sounds of nature, Gregorian chants and yoga music. 









One of KJ's favorite Instagram accounts is @thebucketlistfamily.  If you haven't met the genetically blessed, absolutely adorable, incredibly photogenic, Gee Family yet, you can check them out at:  http://www.thebucketlistfamily.com/

I'm inspired and awed by @humansofny Instagram account.  The account highlights people interviewed on the streets of New York. You never know what kind of battle people are fighting. 

Do you like wine?  Do you sometimes get intimidated or confused at the liquor store?  Red?  White?  Rose?  Are screw tops tacky?  Never know which wine to bring to the dinner party?  Delectable is the app for you!  This app has label recognition which allows you to easily pull up ratings, reviews and tasting notes.  You can also keep a wine journal and follow top sommeliers, vinters and those in the know.  I also use this app if Relax Melodies doesn't get the job done.