All Moved In !!!

Mark this date in your calendars!  KJ officially and successfully completed her first week of college!  Whoop!  Whoop!  She's had a great week!

We drove to Oxford last Wednesday and had dinner w/ 3 of our favorite Martins.  Thursday morning we were up and at 'em fairly early with a quick bite to eat in the hotel lobby and then on our way to Ox.  We had only been through Ole Miss move-in once despite T having been there for 4 years.  We moved her in freshman year and basically she moved herself after that.  I was a little (ok, a lot) nervous about KJ's move-in because she was in a larger dorm, therefore, more people.  T was able to move-in a day earlier than everyone else as a perk of one of her scholarships so we didn't have to wait in line for the elevator or wait for a cart.  I have to say, Ole Miss did a very good job of keeping everyone organized and fairly sane.  Plus we had Z and T-bone with us so move-in went pretty fast.  Her room is cute but not over-the-top-Ole-Miss-dorm-rooms cute.  She brought the two headboards, the two dustruffles which were originally a creamy white and she dyed them a blue-ish gray to match the curtains and the TV.  The roomie brought the rug and microwave and they each have their own mini-fridges under their beds. 

I don't know if it was stress, the heat or what but KJ developed a very bad migraine late Thursday afternoon.  Like, so bad T texted us that KJ was outside throwing up in the bushes.  We were going to take them all out to dinner, say our good-byes and get on the road early Friday morning.  But Coach and I had an early dinner, went back to our room and let KJ get some rest.  Friday we picked her up for some BBB and took her to Office Depot for some last minute stuff.  We were back in Dallas by 8 pm that night.

She's had a good week and seems to be pretty happy.  One of the nights they had a floor meeting and then went to a picnic in the Grove for all the incoming freshman.  One night they spent in the stairwell of the dorm because they were under a tornado warning, one night she had a sorority meeting, one night was convocation (she said she teared up a bit when they said you'll walk in the same shoes as William Faulkner) and one night a bunch of people were in her room and the CA yelled at them because it was after hours.  Last night they went out on the Square and then to a frat party. 

She's going to be fine. 

So here we are.  Exactly 30 days until KJ moves into her freshman dorm at Ole Miss.  30 days folks.  This is not a drill.  This is really happening! 

According to Dictionary.com, the definition of an empty nester is the following: 
emp·ty nest·er

noun

North Americaninformal

plural noun: empty nesters

1. a parent whose children have grown up and left home.

However, according to Wikipedia the definition for Empty Nest Syndrome, is this:
Empty nest syndrome is a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home for the first time, such as to live on their own or to attend a college or university. It is not a clinical condition.

And according to Physcology Today, it's this: 

Definition. Empty nest syndrome refers to feelings of depression, sadness, and, or grief experienced by parents and caregivers after children come of age and leave their childhood homes. This may occur when children go to college or get married.

 

 

While I'm sure I will experience some sadness at my baby chick having flown the nest, my favorite article on being an empty nester is from WikiHow: 

https://www.wikihow.com/Celebrate-Being-an-Empty-Nester

 

Take pride in your accomplishment. Raising children is an enormous, life-defining and intense job. Now is the time to revel in the fact that you “made” it and produced an independent child (or children), ready to taken on the challenges of the world. You have now entered a group of human beings who have made an enormous contribution to society by responsibly and consistently raising children to become fine young adults.

• Think about what your child has accomplished. One of the best ways to celebrate your empty nest status is to celebrate your child’s accomplishments. Remind yourself about how far you’ve come and how far your child will go. Even though your child has left the house, he or she will need your continued support and love for the rest of your life––the journey doesn’t end here. Take out the awards, certificates, report cards and other memorabilia that attests to your child's milestones and accomplishments. You had a big part to play in all of these––be proud.

I do not understand parents who boo-hoo when their kids leave for college.  It's like a contest as to who can cry the most on Facebook.  Who can get the most frowny faces.  And, it's always from the parents whose child is going to college an hour or two away.  Not that locale diminishes these feelings, but it's very different when you can visit your child for a quick weekend or they can come home on a whim.  When we moved to Maryland, T was a flight away.  And that was scary sometimes. 

Recognize that you taught your children life lessons, which will allow them to thrive on their own. Be happy that although your nest may be a little bare now, celebrate that you’ve taught your child well and have produced an individual who will go forward as an independent, well-rounded individual.

• Remember that the ultimate goal was to raise your children so they could leave without needing you. After years of diapers, homework supervision, dance recitals and football games, parents tend to forget that the ultimate goal was to raise your child in order for them to leave home, holding forth their accomplishments to help them thrive in this world. While this is a bittersweet moment for most parents, instead of thinking of it as sad, take a celebratory attitude and know that you did your job well and that all those endless hours of being mom's taxi or dad's listening post have now paid dividends.

I was so incredibly excited for T-bone when she went off to college and definitely took pride in the fact that Coach and I had done everything in our power to give her the tools to survive on her own.  While I was sad over the "lasts" of high school, I was so excited for all the "firsts" she was about to experience.  And the same is true for KJ.  She's super duper excited and I'm super duper excited for her.  We've had fun planning her dorm room, making checklists and all that good stuff. 

One of my favorite sessions at Ole Miss Orientation was Mr. Whitman Smith.  I had the pleasure of hearing him speak in 2012 and again in 2018 and he is an absolute treasure.  He starts off with "Raise your hand if your child can wake up with out your assistance."  Many parents in the room raised their hand, many more did not.  He goes on to ask, "Raise your hand if you child knows how to do laundry."  Again, many hands went up.  Many parents looked around the room sheepishly.  "Please raise your hand if your child has been to a doctor's appointment without you."  Don't laugh.  You'd be surprised. 
 Acknowledge your feelings. Celebrating your empty nester status doesn't mean putting on a brave front and denying how you're feeling inside. Indeed, it's important that you acknowledge the feelings and deal with them gently, as well as finding the upbeat path to your new future. It's possible that you're experiencing a whole gamut of feelings, including sadness, guilt at the relief you're suddenly feeling, a sense of loss, feeling lost about your next steps, exhilaration, worry, and so forth. All such feelings are normal and unless they cause you to withdraw or sit on the sofa endlessly wondering what to do next, working through them at your own pace will set them to rest. Above all, let go of guilt, especially if it's caused by thinking you should be feeling sad but you're not; you have done your best and you now deserve this time back to yourself.

• Many empty nesters find that the time after children is a renewal period in which their marriages or relationships with others improve dramatically, mainly due to the fact that not having children around allows for relaxed responsibility and increased freedom.
• If you feel yourself dipping into despair, anxiety or deep sadness, talk to your doctor immediately. It is not uncommon to experience depression or a sense of helplessness after children leave home, especially if you chose to stay home or work part-time to be with them. Suddenly the world can seem like a very large, bewildering place after child-raising and its associated activities, so getting help to make this transition makes good sense.

I remember my mom struggling with being an empty nester.  My brother left for Penn State in mid-August, a few weeks later I got married in October.  My mom said she went from having a full house to nothing.  And she didn't really have anyone to talk to.  Of course, I was planning my wedding, being a newlywed and basking in marital bliss so I had no idea she was going through any of this. 

Recall the days “before kids” and what you enjoyed doing so that you can revive these experiences again now. In the early days of parenthood, parents may long for the days of extended romantic dinners and being intimate without worrying about having the kids in the house. After years of getting used to being parents first and lovers last, it's not surprising to have forgotten about the days of being an intimate couple or even single, and all the wonderful things associated with this such as lack of responsibility and freedom to come and go as you please.

• Tap into passions or hobbies you put on hold when the babies arrived. What were your interests before becoming parents? Perhaps you were an avid painter or a vintage car restoration expert; maybe you simply liked hanging out at pubs or cafes and watching life go by. In some cases, the demands of parenthood, coupled with a career and community roles, consumes every waking hour, leaving no additional room for passions or hobbies. With the kids on their own, now is the time to re-embrace your original loves.
• Revel in the fact that you can finally have some “you” time. Ever feel as if your needs were last on the list when the kids were in the house? Remember that an empty nest means that you have more time to focus on what you want and need. 

Oh, we've got plans!  Trust me!  We've got some long weekends planned, a little travel involved, some projects around the house, etc.  And I plan to blow up KJ's room and her closet. 

Focus more on your career. In a two-parent household, often one parent will scale back in his or her career in order to be home or to work part-time so as to be more available for the kids. Now that the kids have fled the household, you might be keen to turn your focus back to furthering your career or developing your talents in a different area by returning to studies or a bridging course. A lot of nonsense has been touted over the years about the aging brain; nowadays, science has shown that our brain is wired for continual learning no matter what our age and that it really is true that with age comes wisdom, as older people draw on the wealth of their life's experience and what they lack in speed, they make up for in sound judgment. Don't let your age hold you back; we live in an era where changing ourselves every decade is now normal.

Since we moved to Texas three years ago, I have definitely concentrated more on my career than I ever have.  I was very fortunate that my paycheck never went toward bills but towards the fun things -- dance team stuff, Spring Break vacations, volleyball (out of state travel to tournaments, meals, hotel), lacrosse (same as volleyball), homecoming and prom dresses, sorority bill, etc.  So I never really stressed about my job.  Once KJ started driving and had her own car, I went back to work on a much more serious note than all my previous years as a mother.  I didn't go back to work just for something to do, but as something for me.  I actually changed properties to be ensure I was doing something I enjoyed and wanted to do 5-days a week. 

Do something fun and maybe even a little crazy. Celebration includes having fun and living it up, so mark this life change with an event that will go down in history. Action beats moping, and there are plenty of exciting opportunities open to you now, such as:

• Travel. Since you're no longer a slave to your child’s school and after-school activity schedule, book a European cruise in the fall or check out a remote island in the Caribbean in January. In fact, traveling during off times can not only be more enjoyable due to less crowds, it can also be financially less painful. If you're retired, consider road tripping in an RV––the sky (or at least, the very long road) is the limit. If you are retired, be sure to get proof of your age and any welfare status, as many countries will now accept this evidence for giving you reduced entry fees and other specials; make the most of these savings!
• Try a new adventure. For example, if you’ve wanted to skydive, ride in a balloon or try zip lining, go for it. Perhaps in the past you held back, worried that if something happened to you, your children would be orphaned. While there are risks associated with everything, you're entitled to “you” time to go for the out-of-the-ordinary adventure.
• Throw a party. Most likely many of your friends are experiencing the same phenomenon and some may be taking their empty nest particularly hard. Instead of wallowing, have a party, invite your friends and dedicate the party to your new-found freedom. For an added bonus, invite all the kids too––they may be just as thrilled to have their freedom as you having yours.

I don't know about having a party or going on a hot air balloon ride (I wanted to do that one year for Coach's birthday and he absolutely refused), but we will continue to embrace adventure.  We'll still do all the fun stuff we're doing now -- finding new restaurants, exploring downtown Dallas and beyond, concerts, movies, sporting events. 
Make lifestyle changes. Now that your life doesn’t demand that you own a four-bedroom home and drive a minivan, make some changes that will save you money and time. After a few months or even a year, pursue your dreams of independence by making distinct changes that reflect your situation now. Maybe these changes include a hot red sports car, a jacuzzi, a small apartment in a swank part of downtown near the cafes, a trek across the Himalayas or a new business to indulge something you've always wanted to do. Whatever it is, plan well and get going with it. At the very least, stop cruising around in an empty minivan! Here are some common empty nester to-dos:

• Downsize. Has living in the "burbs near the good school districts" lost its charm? If that quaint beach house or condo-in-the-city has been calling your name for the past decade, go for it; if you purchased your home because the local school facilities were so great, there will be another family crashing down your door to get into the neighborhood. And when buying your new home, don’t forget to choose a place with a guestroom, so that your adult child can visit (if not, sofa beds work a treat).
• Move interstate or even overseas. Perhaps you've always dreamed of living somewhere much, much warmer than your current location. With the children gone, this possibility opens up. Depending on your financial resources, you might consider a vacation home in the warmer place, or perhaps a permanent home. Whatever you decide, even reticent children will grow to accept the change, especially when they realize they can have sunny vacation visits.
• Trade your vehicle for a very “un-family friendly” ride. Unless your family “truckster” is new, you may want to consider dumping it for a vehicle that’s made for someone single or a couple. Not only will a zippy new car help you assert your independence, it may save you a few bucks on gas versus the van or SUV you’ve been hauling kids around in for years. Another bonus is that you'll no longer be called on to ferry around everyone else's kids who haven't yet left their nests!
• Embark upon a new career. Have you been working at the same safe-but-unfulfilling-job for years simply because you needed the cash to support your children? Or have you been home the entire time to raise children and finally want to go to work? Now that the kids have found their independence, consider “going for” your dream job. However, do your research and have a concrete plan before switching careers––especially one you’d been in for several years. You might find that things have changed dramatically and you'll need upgrading too; don't feel threatened. See this as a fantastic opportunity to improve your knowledge and skills and to be at the front of the queue again.

Yes!  We've never done the mini-van thing but we have talked about down-sizing and our "forever" home.  I don't need to worry about school districts anymore and would love to get rid of one of our vehicles.  But that's not really possible in suburbia.  Someone recently asked Coach where he thought we'd retire and he said, "Well, Valerie would love to be right in the middle of the action in a downtown loft and walk everywhere."  But then I started to grow lavender this summer.  I love the subtle scent and I started thinking about living the dolce vita overseas.  I can picture myself in Mallorca, Barcelona, Marseille, Aix-En-Provence.  I'd love to grow my own vegetables, shop the local markets, have a late breakfast at a sidewalk café, head to the beach, take a little siesta and dine al fresco in my beautifully decorated courtyard.  Now I just need to convince Coach. 

Celebrate your empty nest... while you can. Economic conditions and the demands of life have made young adult independence a murky area. During a tough job market, some young adults end up moving back in with mom and dad due to economic downsizing or the scarcity of jobs.

• Understand that they could move back in. Especially during the early years, young adults may find it economically advantageous to live at home for a few years. If your child is graduating from college, working in a low paying job or simply trying to save money, he or she may ask if his/her childhood room is still available. It's up to you as to whether or not this situation can be accommodated but know ahead of time what your answer is likely to be, so that you can plan accordingly. After all, if you've since downsized, having your adult child live on the sofa for a year might just end up driving you all crazy!
• Your child and his or her family may need to move back in with you. No matter what age, from job loss to divorce or home repossession, your child may find him/herself in dire straits and need a safe haven. After a divorce, job loss or if your child has experienced a catastrophic situation, he or she may seek solace at your home. Of course, this may never happen, so it's not a reason to hold up your life's plans but do be conscious that if something does happen, you may be called on to lend a helping hand.

I'm just going to ignore this section and act like the author never event wrote it. 

Prepare to be grandparents. Not all children will go on to be parents but most do, so it's probably on the cards for your life eventually. Being grandparents can mean the restoration of the busy, noisy household but this time, on terms that you define well in advance. While grandparents are considered to be ideal caregivers, this doesn't mean that you have to assume this role, especially not daily or long-term. Weigh up what sort of a life you want to be leading now and how much of this includes your grandchildren; don't over-extend yourself or you may resent having to do a second parenthood role.

• With the two household income being more of the norm just to make ends meet for many people, some young parents will ask grandma and grandpa if they could provide childcare duties while they are at work. In fact, some young parents simply assume that the grandparents will be fine with this. For some grandparents, the opportunity provides another chance to help raise a child and is taken up with glee. For others, they’d prefer to just be grandma or grandpa in the background, sharing sporadic play dates (and keeping their nest completely empty). Do not feel you have to oblige if it doesn't work for you; your children will work out other arrangements.

I can not wait to be a grandparent but will never pressure either of my children to get married or have kids.  They will do what is best for them when they are ready. 

And the Chick has Left the Nest

So quiet in our house this past weekend.  T flew back to Oxford on Saturday.  She is certainly racking up the Southwest frequent flyer miles!  Pony Boy met her at the airport and they had ribs at Rendevouz.  She's got CA training this week and classes start next week.  Ole Miss has a crazy long winter break.  She said she had a really good time while she was home and got to do a lot . . . New York City, DC a couple of times, drag queen brunch, etc.

KJ's got finals this week.  She is doing so incredibly well this year.  Freshman year has been great!  I'm very, very proud of her.  She's worked hard and has taken her classes and school work very seriously and has stayed on top of her grades.  She had her English exam this morning and texted me me she's "very confident" in her exam and her final grade in that class.  She's got a volleyball tournament this weekend and lax is starting up soon.  That should be interesting.  She's going to be exhausted but in a good way.

Got all my Christmas stuff packed and put away this weekend.  This year took a little longer than usual but I re-packed some things, threw some things away, etc.  And Cosmo put all of my Valentine's Day stuff in the front of my decorating room so that I can access it easily next month.

Another crazy week!!!

At the end of May, I, along with several others, lost my job at the Sheraton.  I've been working since I was 15 years old and have never been laid off or fired from a job so you can imagine what a shock it was for me.  I knew it wasn't personal, I knew it was just business but still.  The hotel was doing poorly, they needed to cut expenses and since my position was a newly created position, it was deemed a luxury.  The timing actually worked out in my favor . . . I was home all summer with KJ, got to enjoy the pool every day and worked on my tan, I was able to see a lot of my lax family when they came up for tournaments, I was able to go to Vicksburg for 10 days in July for the pageant, I was able to spend quality time with T-Bone when she came home for a week at the end of July, I was able to drive KJ to and from volleyball camps and clinics and I was able to be involved in her JV volleyball experience.  I was also able to fly to Oxford for a few days in October and, had that damn hurricane not happened, I would have been able to enjoy a week in Cabo!  Now, the holidays are upon us and I was looking forward to hosting Thanksgiving and having all of our family here for Christmas.  Simply put, I have not been looking for a job.  But a job found me.

Tuesday I received a text from one of my co-workers at the Sheraton asking me if I was interested in a position in the Sales Department.  Something had come up and I was the first person they thought of.  On Wednesday afternoon I received a call from HR asking if I could come in Thursday morning to meet with the new GM.  Within an hour, I had an offer of employment.  My head is spinning!!!  I start on Monday.  Naturally, I ran to the mall to buy some new clothes!

We have got so much going on over the next couple of weeks, I'm questioning the timing of this new job but things have a way of working out.  We are also in the process of buying a house here in Maryland so I was very honest with the DOS and the GM.  I told them up front that I'll need some days off for the closing, the move, etc and I absolutely positively have to have off the entire week of Christmas.  That was not negotiable.

When we first moved here we decided to rent since we really weren't sure if we were going to stay.  Fortunately, KJ loves it here and is positively thriving.  She made the honor roll 1st semester of high school as well as all 4 semesters of 8th grade and we couldn't be prouder.  She's in all AP classes and did an incredible job of balancing academics and athletics.  This coming from a child who hated school in Alabama and begged to be home schooled.  Every morning was a struggle with KJ.  She begged to stay home, every morning brought a new ailment ... a headache, a stomach ache, etc.  She loves her school, likes her teachers, she's got a great group of friends, she's popular and she's got quite the social calendar.  So, we decided the time to buy a house was right.

Unfortunately, finding a house has proved to be difficult and not without it's challenges.  Obviously we want to stay within our current school district.  We do not need nor do we necessarily want a McMansion which seems to be the rage up here.  Houses in our current neighborhood start at $625K.  It's just the three of us for the next three years (we have accepted the fact that T-bone will probably never live in Maryland).  We do not need a 5-bedroom house.  We're trying to find a smaller house that fits our needs and a house that we can quickly sell once KJ is off to college and we can downsize even further.  Unfortunately, a smaller house in this area equates to a much, much older house needing updates.

We've been searching since the spring and think we may have found our next home.  It is an older home but the kitchen and master suite have been beautifully updated.  The house is on an acre and backs to the woods.  It's a brick ranch that has none of it's original floor plan.  The master suite is huge and also has a separate sitting room that was probably one of the original bedrooms, beautiful hard woods, his and her closets and one wall of exposed brick.  The family room is an addition it is also has beautiful hardwoods, walls of windows overlook the back yard and a wall of exposed brick.  The house has two fireplaces -- one in the formal living and one in the finished basement -- but my favorite room is the mud room off the garage.  I have always wanted a mud room!!!  There is a guest bedroom in the basement and KJ will take over the entire renovated attic.  So, if we do put an offer on this house and the closing goes through, we will be the proud owner of three homes and a lacrosse store!  Yup.  Our house in Hoover is currently being rented by a nice family from MS with 2 high school aged girls, the renter in our condo has been there for over 5 years and it doesn't look like he's going anywhere and of course we still have Stickhead.  We keep joking around that all we need next is a condo in Ocean City!!!

Football and Pageants (story of my life!)

KJ had a GREAT time last night at the Damascus football game!  She said she wasn't sure what to expect coming from Hoover but said the game was great, the atmosphere was great and it was great sitting in the student section.  Overall, she said it was GREAT!  She said the band and the cheerleaders were great, too.  She said it was similar to Hoover and the seniors had "seniority" in the student section.  They got to sit in the front row with all the lower class men behind them and the seniors were the body painters.  Today she went to a pool party and then her friend Britt came over and now the girls are making cookies.

T was on duty last night so she and her friend Tana drove up to Nashville early this morning for the game vs. Vandy.  She didn't have a ticket and the box office was selling seats for almost $80 so she was getting a little frustrated.  Tana told her, "Just smile and walk in."  So she did.  She walked right through the security line and walked right through the gate.  That's my girl!  The Ole Miss game was kind of boring.  I'm happy they won but the game was pretty much a blow-out.  Not an exciting game at all.  Vandy obviously didn't eat their Wheaties this morning.  Cosmo has the Ohio game on and that stadium is positively rockin'!  Not an Ohio fan but I do think that would be a great place to see a game!!!

And now, to counter-act all that football testosterone, here are some more Miss America photos!!!

I luv, luv, luv the clean lines on this gown!   

Go Jasmine!!!  I think she's going to do great next Sunday!

Our Little Froshie

So our sweet girl made the JV volleyball team!  I couldn't be prouder and I taught her everything I know!  (Yeah, this 5 ft. tall mama taught her girl a lot about volleyball!).  But seriously, she did work very hard and I did practice with her a lot. There were over 40 girls trying out for JV and they only took 14.  She had a little bit of a come apart on the last day of try-outs . . . she accidentally left her bag in Cosmo's car.  We didn't realizxe it until a few minutes before try-outs.  Cosmo was waaaaaay down in DC when she hysterically called him.  He drove like a maniac and was able to get her bag to her just a few minutes after try-outs started.  She did have an extra pair of sneakers and an extra set of knee pads at the house but she was VERY, VERY upset that the coaches would think she was irresponsible.  I had to give her a tough pep talk in the car.  Basically I told her to buck up and kick butt!  Try-outs ended at 5:30 and at 6:30 PM they posted the results on the gym door.  KJ and her friend Maddie both made the team so all four of us girls celebrated at Jimmie Cone!  The girls had their first practice Wednesday, Wednesday night we had a parent meeting, they have practice Thursday and Friday, Friday they're going to a rope course for team building and they have a scrimmage on Monday...the first day of school!  Yikes!  KJ's going to be in for a rude awakening next week . . . her bus comes at 6:28 AM and she'll have volleyball practice until 5:30 PM each day. 

Can't wait for her to get home sin a few minutes o I can hear all about today's Freshman Orientation!  Damascus does things a little differently that what we were used to with Hoover.  There is no "registration day" where we have to write a massive check to cover items such as activity cards, yearbooks, agenda, locker fees, mailing costs, PTO, extra curricular fees (T's Buccanette's just about killed us every year!).  At Hoover T's registration usually cost us a couple hundred dollars.  So far, the only bill I've been hit with at Damascus High School has been a $30 extra curricular activity.  I think Cosmo & I are going to join the booster club so we can get into football games, basketball and, of course, KJ's vball games!  

Freshman Orientation sounds pretty cool.  It's only a half day but the kids are encouraged to get on their bus like they will on Monday and today they'll get their lockers, walk their schedule, etc.  And then tonight, we have a Freshman Parent Picnic.  We'll meet the teachers and also attend a meeting with the Athletic Department.  Concussions and cardiac disease are a hot button this year and KJ had to take a baseline concussion test before she could even try-out.  

Finals, Finally!

Holy Cow!  I can NOT believe my baby girl is finishing up her first semester as a college student.  It truly does feel like just yesterday we were packing up the cars and driving off to Oxford excited about all the wonderful new adventures awaiting her! 

 



I found this sweet, sweet lady on Etsy who makes AOPi / Panda cookies had them sent to T for finals week.  The timing couldn't have been better -- T is still trying to get over the flu, Sunday was initiation and today started finals.  She loves getting mail at college and was so excited and surprised to get her box of cookies!  Last week I sent her a box of tissues, some chap stick, some Vitamin C, etc. the minute she told me she wasn't feeling great.  My mom sends her Starbucks cards in the mail and my sister-in-law is great about sending care packages.  T said she feels so loved when she has something in her mail box!