What I'm Watching Wednesday

We had a relaxing, chill Memorial Day and haven't watched much TV the last couple of days.  I've been reading a lot and the only shows I've watched were The Spanish Princess Sunday evening and The Bachelorette Monday night. 

 

So here goes my Bachelorette recap . . .
It's group date for Jonathan, Matteo, John Paul Jones (JPJ from here on out), Kevin, Jed, Tyler C, Mike (aka Mike the Man) and ABC (not the network).  The guys meet Hannah at a combination maternity ward/movie studio in Los Angeles.  But what’s waiting for them inside is truly terrifying…it's the annoying guy from American Pie! Yup.  Asshat Jason Biggs and his wife Jenny Mollen are here to teach the dudes about pregnancy and childbirth.  They are one of those annoying, know-it-all "celebrity" couples (kind of like Dax Shepherd and the girl from Frozen.  Can't stand her.).  

 

They quiz the men on basic pregnancy facts (that was kinda scary to watch.  Clearly our sex education curriculum has failed most of these guys.  The only thing Tyler C knows about pregnancy is that the woman’s belly gets bigger and she eats a lot. Jed is able to correctly identify a basic reproductive-health fact and Hannah screams that he "knows his way around a woman."  Meanwhile, Cam thinks the gestational period is two weeks.).  Then the guys wear “empathy bellies” and care for baby dolls that cry at random, like real babies.  KJ did this back in high school. 

 

To mimic the agony of breastfeeding, Hannah clamps clothespins on the guys’ nipples (which, I'm guessing, is a regular Saturday night in some American households).  The real treat of this date is when Nurse Ratchet hooks the boys up to a labor simulation gizmo. The guys all look like they’re somewhere between intense orgasm and throwing up all of their guts. JPJ is tensing up his entire body before they even turn the machine on. He screams like a little girl and practically falls off the table.  He's adorable.  Tyler C tries to look all male-model sexy during his turn (“I’m pretty sure he thought it was a photo shoot,” jokes Hannah) but once the electricity started flowing he lost any street cred he thought he had pretty quick. 

During the cocktail party of the evening, we learned Hannah wants to move to Nashville.  She's never even visited Nashville but wants to live there.  Which is really hard to believe considering she's from Tuscaloosa.  It's not that far of a drive.  Nashville also happens to be where contestant Jed lives.  There was also a lot of chicken nuggets. 

Time to get serious, though. The pregnancy-themed date brought up a lot of sad memories and guilt for Mike. As he explains to Hannah, he and his ex-girlfriend got pregnant, but then they lost the baby in the second trimester. “It was my fault because I wasn’t there for her at the time,” Mike says sadly. “It’s just one thing I can be a better man at.” It’s an intense and moving moment… so naturally, producers send Cam in to interrupt it! “Whenever you guys are wrapped up,” he mumbles, “I’ll just be outside.”  Every time Hannah or Mike manages to push Cam out of the room, he waits ten seconds and walks back in because he’s got something really important to tell her.  Read the room, dude.

Instead, though, Cam lingers right out of frame, making everyone uncomfortable, until Mike politely asks him to GTFO. He and Hannah Bannanas share a tender smooch, and just as Hannah’s about to share something important with Mike, in walks Cam again! “I have something really important I need to tell her,” he explains weakly. “I haven’t had any time.” Mike does not back down (“You’re gonna get your time… I’ll come get you”), and then gives Hannah one last kiss as Cam watches.

Of course, Mike gives the guys a full report about Cam’s actions. “I just got interrupted on three different occasions,” he tells them. “And twice, Hannah as well said you need to leave the room.” And thus, this week’s Cam-Mike rivalry (more on that later) is born.

Suddenly, Jonathan arrives like an avenging angel of karma, and he all but physically removes Cam from the couch. “What goes around comes around,” says Jonathan, who steps between Cam and Hannah as the former tries to walk the Bachelorette to the door. Rather than asking Jonathan to back off, Hannah sends Cam off with half-ass, one arm hug.

“There’s a difference between being bold and being charismatic and romantic, versus being a little physical overpowering insecure chihuahua,” ABC (not the network) complains to JPJ. Once Jonathan is back on the couch with the rest of the guys, Cam attempts to goad Jonathan into an intense staring contest.  But here’s some good news: Mike gets the date rose!  He's the only person on this date with even the slightest bit of charm, so it's all good.

The next day, baby-faced Connor S (I think he's KJ's fav at this point) is supposed to have a one-on-one sailing date with Hannah.  Unfortunately, earlier that morning our Bachelorette passed out and spent some time in the hospital. Honest to God, I think she was drunk from the night before and had a wicked hangover and needed an IV drip to get her through the day.  When Connor gets the news that he’s going to go to her hotel room instead to help her convalesce, all the guys hoot and holler like hanging out with someone in their hotel room after being hospitalized is sexxxxxy.  Connor picks up a card, some chicken soup, and flowers which was sweet.  He goes to Hannah’s hotel room where she tells him that she fainted (passed out??) and had to get fluids. Then they make out.  Because I've always felt up to making-out after all of my hospital stays.  Though she was discharged, our brave, strong girl is still “not feeling 100 percent,” as she explains to Connor.  Last week, our Bachelorette was so exhausted and overwhelmed that she started crying actual tears at the second cocktail party. And now in week three, she wound up in the hospital after passing out!  At this rate, poor Hannah will be in a medically induced coma by hometowns. If anyone would like to start a prayer chain to keep our fragile Bachelorette standing until the finale, hit me up in the comments.  Connor tells her a story about his mom’s health scares, and he writes little notes all over Hannah’s hotel room letting her know all the amazing things about her. It was cute.

The date isn’t over yet. After Hannah's nap, he heads back to the mansion, but a limo driver tells him he’s got 15 minutes to “look sharp, my man!” They head to an awkward private concert with someone (IDK).  Connor gets the rose.  

Meanwhile, back at the house, Luke is antsy and anxious because he’s the one who’s supposed to be comforting Hannah at her time of need.  And the weirdo even asks what she was wearing in the hospital.  “It’s my job to care of her right now,” he insists. “I know she wants me over there.” He  tells the guys that if he were the one visiting Hannah and she told him to leave, he would refuse. “I’d say, ‘It’s all right, I’ll just curl up next to you in bed.’… I wouldn’t leave.” So according to Luke, leave means stay, no means yes.

It's revealed that Tyler G (Superman lookalike) "had to leave” without any explanation.  Odd.  We don’t see him saying goodbye to the guys or having a sad farewell chat with Hannah.  Did the producers want him out of the mansion ASAP?  Family emergency?  Wonder if we'll ever know.  It’s also unclear how much producers told the Bachelorette about the situation, but she says his departure is “upsetting because I really enjoyed my date with him.”

Dylan, Peter, Garrett, Grant, Luke P, Luke S, Joey, and Devin pile into the party bus for uncomfortable group date number two . . .  a weird photo shoot where each guy will be paired up with a “top model.” The models are beasts . . . dogs, a llama, a pig, a rat, a miniature horse and a snake.  Cue the annoying product placement (this time it's the movie The Secret Life of Pets 2).  The cheesy infomercial/commercial doesn’t end with the animals.  Hannah Bannanas has teamed up again with Demi to do some recon.  “The Secret Life of Pets 2 is about what pets do in their secret lives whenever their owners aren’t around,” explains Demi. “So today we’re going to see what Hannah’s guys do… whenever she’s not around.”  I like Demi but I was really hoping Miss J and Co. would be back this week. 

Demi should work for the goddamn CIA, Secret Service, Interpol, etc.  She's seated in front of a bunch of surveillance camera feeds and watches the guys from a hidden room. Her goal is to see how the men interact with the makeup artist and an animal trainer (two hot actresses the show hired to flirt with contestants).  None of the guys seem to take the bait. 

Eventually, the guys do get to take some pics with Hannah and Luke P can’t handle it. He barges into her shoot with Joey and then tries to follow the Bachelorette to her changing room, but she brushes him off with a nervous laugh. “I need him to slow his roll,” she tells us. “He is not guaranteed this. I have a lot of other relationships that are really great, too.”

It’s time for the old “there won’t be a cocktail party tonight” fake-out. Instead, Hannah has decided to throw a tailgate party for the week’s final shindig. Get psyched, guys! Sun’s out, buns out.

Chris Harrison comes over to tell them that instead of a cocktail party they’re going to do a tailgate party, and the guys are excited because FOOTBALL! and SPORTS! Cam decides to make an actor’s announcement and tell everyone that he would like to talk to Hannah first to tell her another important thing about his life. He wants the guys to know that he has something “very, very personal and very serious” that he was planning to tell Hannah at the cocktail party. “This is something that has been a downfall in my past two serious relationships,” he continues, and he’s hoping the guys will let him be the first one to talk to the Bachelorette when the tailgate party starts. “There’s a strong likelihood that it may be too much for her to handle,” Cam adds, “and she sends me home before the rose ceremony.”

Mike says “bullshit. There’s no rules of engagement.”  How can Cam expect the guys to respect his time, says Other Luke, when he’s been so disrespectful of their time with Hannah? As for the Bachelorette, she just wants a “chill day.” But just as Hannah’s telling us she doesn’t want to hear about “anything tragic,” Cam drags her to the pool so he can fill her in on his Very Important Backstory:  his leg was almost amputated, his grandma died and he had to give away his puppy. All in the same week.  Any and all of those are difficult things to experience, but stacking them in one story that you demand someone listen to is a lot for one person to take in.  At a tailgate party.  Mike takes Hannah aside and lets her know that Cam thought he was going home and demanded he get to talk to her so any story he told her is probably in search of a pity rose. Hannah is furious and puts it together that Cam just wants to stay and Mike never has to say anything of the sort. She confronts Cam and the rest of the guys to let them know there are no pity roses.

I was a little disappointed with Mike at this point of the evening.  I felt like he was stirring the pot a bit.  I get it.  He was annoyed with Cam’s latest theatrics, but the way he describes it to Hannah — “He sat us all down and told us that he was going to tell you a sad story to kind of get a pity rose” — was off base.  Either way, Hannah seems all too ready to believe the worst about Cam, and you can’t really blame her. “I’m really disappointed,” she says. “I don’t give pity roses.” She fetches Cam from the tailgate party and informs him that she finds the timing of his sob story quite suspect. Did he bring it up “in, like, a ditch effort to stay”? (Another of example of "Hannah no speak words too good."  I'm sure she meant “last-ditch effort.") 

Cam vehemently denies that he was seeking a “pity rose,” but when Hannah asks him if he was writing goodbye letters to the guys earlier that morning he mans up and does not deny it. “I was writing letters because I didn’t know how you would respond to [my story],” he explains. Hannah tells him his actions feel “really calculated” and that she needs to think about whether she can trust him again.

At the cocktail party, Hannah is wearing some bold fashion choices (an outfit from the Taylor Swift Romper Collection, a drapey looking necklace and some really dark lip color) and she’s decided  she’s not going to tolerate Luke P’s behavior no matter how ripped his quads are. Hannah pulls Luke P aside first to give him a little talking-to. “It’s annoying when Luke P. tries to flaunt our connection in front of the guys,” she says. Luke P tells Hannah that he regrets “letting other guys develop a stronger connection with you… I really don’t think these guys have what it takes to be your future husband.” Wait.  What?  You're "letting" the guys develop connections with Hannah? I don't think so Luke P.

“I’ve been struggling a little bit because I just feel like you already think it’s like promised to you and that bothers me a lot,” the Bachelorette explains. “I feel like your confidence in this kind of makes me irritated, in a way.” When Luke tries to cut her off, she shuts him down. “Hold on, let me talk.”  Hannah goes on to school Luke P on the difference between confidence and cockiness, and she scolds him for his pushy behavior: “I want it to change.” I don't think Luke P gets the message because he goes on to say, “I don’t feel like I’ve been acting that way.  I don’t see her seeing me like that. It doesn’t make sense to me.”  In other words, Luke P disagrees with Hannah’s feelings — therefore her feelings, in his mind, are invalid. And so after his confessional, he marches off to find Hannah and explain to her why everything she thinks is wrong. But the Bachelorette is in the middle of chatting with Devin, and she isn’t about to let Luke P interrupt her. “I will talk to you later, okay?” she says, sending him away. Much like herpes, though, Luke P comes back time and again. He tries to cut into Hannah’s chat with Dylan but gets denied, and then he lurks in the hallway next to the room where Hannah is chatting with Garrett so he can intercept her when she leaves. It does not go over well.

“I don’t want to do this right now,” she whispers angrily. “I want to call my own shots.” Because.  You know.  She's a strong, modern-day Bachelorette.  Which is clearly the theme for this season.  Luke P says, “Honestly, I can’t stand this process,” after joining everyone back on the couch and throws out a “I even had thoughts about leaving here tonight.” If Luke P had decided to leave at that point, Hannah probably wouldn’t have noticed since she’s too busy making out with Pete the Pilot.

When it’s time to hand out the date rose, Hannah suddenly seems to remember that she promised to talk to Luke P one last time. She takes him outside, the rose in her hand — leaving the rest of the guys to worry that the God-fearing stage-5 clinger is going to be rewarded for his behavior. But that does not happen.  Ouch. With Luke P properly chastened, Hannah gives the date rose to Pilot Pete. 

Jed, Tyler, Dustin, Dylan, Grant, Luke P, Garrett, John Paul Jones, Matteo, Devin, Luke S., and Kevin join Connor and Mike in the winners’ circle. Bye-bye, Cam! We also must bid farewell to Joey and Jonathan, in case you were wondering.

Memorial Day Weekend

Memorial Day is an American holiday, observed on the last Monday of May, honoring the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military.

Originally known as Decoration Day, it originated in the years following the Civil War and became an official federal holiday in 1971. Many Americans observe Memorial Day by visiting cemeteries or memorials, holding family gatherings and participating in parades. Unofficially, it marks the beginning of the summer season.

Early Observances of Memorial Day

The Civil War, which ended in the spring of 1865, claimed more lives than any conflict in U.S. history and required the establishment of the country’s first national cemeteries.

By the late 1860s, Americans in various towns and cities had begun holding springtime tributes to these countless fallen soldiers, decorating their graves with flowers and reciting prayers.

It is unclear where exactly this tradition originated; numerous different communities may have independently initiated the memorial gatherings. Nevertheless, in 1966 the federal government declared Waterloo, New York, the official birthplace of Memorial Day.
 Waterloo—which first celebrated the day on May 5, 1866—was chosen because it hosted an annual, community-wide event, during which businesses closed and residents decorated the graves of soldiers with flowers and flags.

Decoration Day

On May 5, 1868, General John A. Logan, leader of an organization for Northern Civil War veterans, called for a nationwide day of remembrance later that month. “The 30th of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet churchyard in the land,” he proclaimed.

The date of Decoration Day, as he called it, was chosen because it wasn’t the anniversary of any particular battle.

On the first Decoration Day, General James Garfield made a speech at Arlington National Cemetery, and 5,000 participants decorated the graves of the 20,000 Union and Confederate soldiers buried there.

Many Northern states held similar commemorative events and reprised the tradition in subsequent years; by 1890 each one had made Decoration Day an official state holiday. Southern states, on the other hand, continued to honor their dead on separate days until after World War I.

History of Memorial Day

Memorial Day, as Decoration Day gradually came to be known, originally honored only those lost while fighting in the Civil War. But during World War I the United States found itself embroiled in another major conflict, and the holiday evolved to commemorate American military personnel who died in all wars.

For decades, Memorial Day continued to be observed on May 30, the date Logan had selected for the first Decoration Day. But in 1968 Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, which established Memorial Day as the last Monday in May in order to create a three-day weekend for federal employees; the change went into effect in 1971. The same law also declared Memorial Day a federal holiday.

 

 

Memorial Day Traditions

Cities and towns across the United States host Memorial Day parades each year, often incorporating military personnel and members of veterans’ organizations. Some of the largest parades take place in Chicago, New York and Washington, D.C.

Americans also observe Memorial Day by visiting cemeteries and memorials. Some people wear a red poppy in remembrance of those fallen in war—a tradition that began with a World War I poem. On a less somber note, many people take weekend trips or throw parties and barbecues on the holiday, perhaps because it unofficially marks the beginning of summer.

Endings

It's been a busy week and I'm now finally able to discuss that Game of Thrones Ending.  Coach and I spent the weekend in Austin and were at an outdoor concert Sunday night so I was not able to watch the ending live.  I was wide awake when we got back to our hotel so I ended up catching it on HBO at 1 AM. 

All I'm going to say is that it was an ending.  It wasn't great.  It wasn't horrible.  It kinda went as expected and wrapped everything up in a neat little bow.  That's it.  I'm not going to over-analyze.

On to something else!

Coach and I started watching Dead to Me on Netflix last week.  It's good.  It's dark.  A little funny.  Christina Applegate is great and Linda Cardellini is good as her cooky/creepy new friend.  They met at grief counseling and things aren't what they seem.  We have two episodes left and hope there is a Season 2. 

McNuggets for 3 please!

Since I'm still so new to the Bachelor / Bachelorette, I forgot to set the DVR to record this season of the Bachelorette.  KJ and I watched it live the first week and just totally forgot about it so I had to catch-up on demand last night.  Oh boy.  What a show. 

The episode starts with the guys getting the 411 on the group date.  One of the guys (IDK his name) calls out the following:  Grant, Luke S, Mike, Jed, Jonathan, John Paul Jones, Dylan, and Luke P.  I can't remember exactly what the card says but all I know is Miss J (yes! catwalk queen Miss J from America's Next Top Model and star of some of my very favorite gifs!!!!) is there and he brought some friends with him!  I love love love Miss J and wish he'd be on the show every week! 

Drag icons Alaska Thunderf— (use your imagination) and Alyssa Edwards, will be helping the "contestants" prep for the swimsuit and talent portion of the competition.  They whole gang is here to judge the Mr. Right Pageant, which — if the Speedos are any indication — will be an exercise in equal-opportunity objectification. “The drag queens, being fearless and embodying who they are as a person is just resonating with me,” says Mike, as he practices walking in size-15 (!) heels. “I need to let Hannah know that I’m Mr. Right.” He's one of my favorites!  He's got a fabulous smile and great manners!!! 

 

The pageant begins with, of course, the runway walk (AKA sausage parade.  AKA an excuse to get the guys nearly naked). Why didn’t anyone tell Jonathan to take off his dress socks before strutting down the catwalk?  The judges seem a bit perplexed by John Paul Jones but I kinda like him.  He's adorable and I don't think we've seen that side of him yet.  Everyone seems to approve of Jed, who paired his Speedo with a pair of cowboy boots. But no one gets a higher score on the beefcake scale than Luke “God spoke to me in the shower." 

 

 

“Luke has the body of a Greek god,” drawls John Paul Jones with reluctant appreciation. “The guy looks amazing.”  Ya' think???

The “talent” portion is a silly.  There's a unicycle, someone playing the trumpet poorly, some juggling.  Maybe some tap dancing.  And Jed sings a romantic little diddy on the guitar. 

Hannah Bananas is like a kid in a candy shop.  Eye candy shop.  The icing on the cake is when Luke P decides to shoot his shot two episodes into the season with a totally creepy and premature declaration of love.  “Hannah, I can’t believe I’m saying this right now. This is pretty crazy because it’s so soon,” says Luke P, as the audience begins to whoop expectantly. “Hannah, I’m genuinely… beginning… to fall…in love with you.” Apparently, his talent is… bullshit.  In a move that shocks no one, Hannah crowns Luke P as the winner of her Mr. Right Pageant.

Though Jed is disappointed, he’s keeping his eye on the prize. “There is a rose up for grabs,” he reminds us. “And that means more to me than a sash.” Mike the Man throws a little shade Luke P’s way when he offers the first “cheers” of the night at the cocktail party: “I want to give a cheers to people just being real,” he says. “Make sure that this is for the real reason — that this is love forever, not just 15 minutes.”

Luke P handles this constructive criticism about as well as you might expect: He annoys the guys further by stealing Hannah away from the group first. Once they’re alone, the Bachelorette quizzes him about how he could possibly be feeling anything close to love when they haven’t even known each other for 48 hours. Finally!  Someone with half a brain!!!  This was the point in the season where I started to like Hannah.  A little.  We got a glimpse of sanity and it was nice.  “I am… starting… to fall in love with you,” Luke replies. But then she blew it with the following:  “I asked for bold, and you’re bold!” she giggles. “He’s saying everything my heart needs him to say,” she tells us.   

The other guys are definitely not ready to let Luke P off the hook. “You’ve had less than two hours with her,” says Mike. “In the history of man, I’ve never heard someone say ‘I think I’m starting to fall in love with you’ that fast.” Luke, the “good Christian boy” lets the dudes know that when he wants something, he gets it.  "No matter what it takes.” In other words, he’ll do/say anything to “win” Hannah. Mike shrugs in disgust, a gesture that likely speaks for all of Bachelor Nation.  At the end of the night, it’s Jed, not Luke, who takes home the date rose.

The next day, Hannah is wearing some kind of all-white jean outfit and picks up Tyler G in a helicopter.  Because, this is the Bachelorette.  The first one-on-one of the season goes pretty well (better than Hannah's one-on-one w/ Colton).  The Bachelorette thinks this Tyler is a “stud” with his dark hair and blue eyes. “He feels like a Tim Tebow — but hotter.” They go mudding.  Because, she's from Alabama. 

After four-wheeling, the dirty duo cuddle on the couch and talk about, you know, the importance of “being real.”  “You’ve gotta just reach out to the people you care about,” says Tyler, “and be genuine.” Hannah then outlines some vague goals for the future: having a family, being a “strong woman,” building a career that will “help people,” and doing “incredible things” with her “future husband.” Tyler G. claims to be pro-helping people and just keeps repeating how lucky he is to be with Hannah. It should not come as a surprise to anyone reading this that Tyler G. gets a date rose.

And then group date number 2 is upon us! With the exception of a couple of guys, this is basically the reject group.  The Bachelorette greets Devin, Matteo, Daron, Connor J, Kevin, Dustin, Tyler C, Joey, Peter, and Garrett outside a shady looking warehouse in a sketchy part of LA where they are greeted by Los Angeles’s own Derby Dolls. “Get ready to get hit!” announces one of the Dolls.  The majority of hits are coming from the floor, which is repeatedly slamming itself against everyone’s asses.  This looked horribly painful and not fun at all.  Team Bachelorette treats us to a montage of wipeouts set to Strauss’ “Blue Danube,” which added a comedic touch.

The post-Derby cocktail party takes place at what looks like a Pier One warehouse or a fancy storage unit.  The cocktail party is chugging along when suddenly an SUV pulls up to the curb and out pops the season’s biggest reject (so far), Cam. The last we saw Mr. “ABC,” he was moping around the house playing the harmonica and wishing he’d been chosen for a date this week. Clearly, some helpful producer talked him into crashing the group date that he wasn’t “invited” to (air quotes are Cam’s, who does not know how air quotes work).

“This is a very Cam thing to do,” Cam informs us. Hannah does not look particularly happy to see Cam, but she lets him interrupt her one-on-one chat with Devin. All he wants is to make sure Hannah knows that he misses her and that he’s trying not to “over-Hannah-lyze” the situation when she’s out on dates with other guys.

The rest of the men are not pleased to hear that Vanilla Ice has entered the building. “That’s a stalker boyfriend vibe right there,” notes Daron.  Tyler C is so annoyed he follows Cam out into the parking lot … when he probably could have been using that time to talk to Hannah. “The guys are a little beside themselves,” Tyler C mumbles passive-aggressively.  "We’re all fighting for time” (soooo.....why aren't you inside chatting it up with Hannah???).  Cam politely makes it clear that he does not give a rip about anything but spending time with Hannah, so Tyler slinks back to the World Market warehouse. 

Suddenly, it’s like that scene in Airplane! when everyone lines up to slap the hysterical passenger.  First, here comes Garrett — another guy who could be talking to Hannah instead of yelling at some other bro about how he hasn’t talked to Hannah. “I don’t really appreciate that, dude,” says Garrett. “You’re not sorry, dude… You stepped on our toes and you stepped on her toes a little bit, too.” And now here’s Kevin, who chirps at Cam for crossing the invisible “boundaries” that help maintain a civilized order in the Bachelorette universe. “Cam’s a piece of s—,” he tells the other guys. Chill out, everyone! Cam didn’t get the date rose — he’s not even eligible this week. Instead, it goes to Dustin. 

And now we're at the cocktail party already? And is Hannah crying before it even begins.  I think she's a bit tipsy at this point.  I'm serious.  She sounds a little slurr-y.  Like a drunk sorority girl at last call. 

“I wanna be real with you,” she tells the guys through her tears. As she talks, her sniffles become more prominent, so Mike asks someone to get her a tissue. (Devin hands her an old-fashioned handkerchief instead which is AWESOME!!!  A real man always has a hankie with him!!!!  Kudos to Mike the Man for recognizing Hannah's needs and Kudos to Devin for being a Boy Scout!).  “I’m so sorry,” Hannah continues. “I’m just overwhelmed with emotions about how lucky I am. [sniff] And it’s also scary. And it’s hard to make decisions [sniff] when I don’t know all you that well [sniff] as I want to.”

After she pulls it together, the one-on-one chats begin. Connor J, who didn’t get a date this week, moves in first. “I thought about you a lot this week,” Hannah tells him, and they smooch. Is it just me or does he have a little speech impediment?  Kevin suggests that he and Hannah purge their inner anguish by unleashing a primal scream upon the heavens above the mansion.

“That was awesome!” says Hannah giddily. And this is when things get weird.  Right in  the middle of her convo with Kevin, in walks Cam.  "I’ve actually got something planned for all three of us,” he announces.  Wait.  What???

I have nothing against chicken nuggets, but this was so cringeworthy.  The three of them, sitting in the middle of candles and rose petals shaped into a heart and some honey mustard sauce.  For some reason, Kevin agrees to bring the tray of nuggets inside while Cam and Hannah enjoy their driveway picnic — but he’s pretty salty about it. “What he was doing was control freakish and weird,” he huffs. Once his rival is back inside, Kevin lets him know exactly what he thinks about his fast food-themed tomfoolery and flips the nuggets in Cam's face. 

And then things get even weirder.  What in the holy hell is going on in the next room? It looks like Luke P has asked production to set up some kind of makeshift massage table in the little green sitting room. “You’ll learn, I’m really good with my hands,” he tells Hannah. (at that point I threw up in my mouth a little).  The "massage" turns into a full-fledged make-out session and at some point the zipper of Hannah's dress is down. 

“He’s so hot,” purrs Hannah. “It’s like, can we just skip the main course and go to the dessert?” Poor Jed walks into this hormonal hot mess just as Hannah’s about to rub oil on a shirtless Luke P.  I totally saw this happening.  If you remember my recap of the first episode, I said we'd be seeing more of Luke P shirtless. 

“It’s not what it looks like, I promise,” chuckles Luke. Jed mutters something about how the awkward encounter is “not super appealing” and shuffles off, embarrassed. The Bachelorette is completely mortified. “F—, f—, f—, f—, f—, f—, f— me,” as she drops a series of F-bombs.  “I don’t know what to do.”

Hannah eventually works up the courage to talk to Jed, and he handles himself like a gentleman.  He graciously brushes the whole thing off and puts her at ease.  “There’s a lot of dudes in here that are after you,” he says. “Isn’t that weird?” Honestly.  I think he's too good for Hannah Bananas. 

And then we get right to the rose ceremony. Joining Jed, Tyler G and Dustin in the Circle of Safety this week are Tyler C, Garrett, Devin, Connor S, Luke P, Dylan, Luke S, Mike, Peter, Kevin, Jonathan, Joey, Matteo, John Paul Jones, Grant, and Cam (What.  The.  Hell????).  A couple of guys who's names I don't know are voted off the island. 

The evening ends with two final douche moves. First, Cam makes a toast to “Hannah Ayala.” (“That’s my last name,” he explains to the confused Bachelorette.) And once the guys disperse, Luke P sneaks off and crashes the Bachelorette’s confessional or whatever you want to call it. 

“I’m coming to talk to you,” he announces.  Just listen to listen to this load of crap he lays on Hannah while she's sitting on his lap:  “I felt like everything in time stopped when I was looking in your eyes for the first time.” Girl.  If someone has to say things like, “everything I’m telling you is 100% real” and “you can trust me,” run.  Run far and run fast.  IDK if she's buying what Luke’s selling but she's definitely into "dessert." 

 

What I'm Watching Wednesday

So now that the Stars season is over and I have nothing to look forward to until October, I've turned my attention back to TV shows.  Some good shows ending (I'm looking at you Game of Thrones), some good shows just starting (Spanish Princess for example) and a train wreck I can't help but slow down at take a look at (yeah, I'm referring to the hot mess that is Hannah B on The Bachelorette). 

Game of Thrones (HBO)
When this show first aired I really wanted to watch but remember thinking that I was already invested in several other shows and just didn't have the time.  Fast forward a couple of years and I'm recuperating from my hysterectomy.  Perfect time to start binge watching!  So, while I'm not an "original" GoT fan, I am a fan nonetheless. 

As we all know, this is the very last season of GoT and Sunday's episode is the very last.  This season has been had some highs and some lows for me:   

1. The Battle of Winterfell (episode 3 "The Long Night") -- the Battle of Winterfell was very dark and hard to see.  I couldn't tell what was happening half the time and it was frustrating. 
2. I hated that Theon had to die.  Understand why, I just hated it.  I love how he came full circle and redeemed himself.  It was very tragic and heroic. 
3. Jaime Lannister was consistently one of my favorite characters throughout the entire series.  I love that he "bedded" Brienne of Tarth and bedded her well.  I liked their relationship.  Felt bad for Tormund though. 
4. I really wanted Jaime to be the one to take Cersei out.  He could have easily snapped her neck or stuck a dagger in her while the Red Tower was falling down around them. 
5. Arya was a bad ass in episode 3, basically useless in episode 5 "The Bells."  She just ran around while Kings Landing is going to hell in a handbasket, she had no purpose and then just rode off on a white horse at the end.  I get it.  The devastation of Knight's Landing had to be told from someone's point of view and she can now get back to Winterfell and tell everyone what Dany did. 
6. I knew it was going to come down to the Hound vs. the Mountain.  Sad to see the Hound go. 

Unfortunately, Twitter was a buzz about spoilers and I did read a couple of them.  I've said all along I think Jon is going to have to kill Dany's crazy ass and Sansa is going to end up on the throne. 


The Spanish Princess (Starz)
I've been a HUGE fan of Phillipa Gregory's since forever https://www.philippagregory.com and The Spanish Princess is based on two of her novels.  I loved both The White Queen and The White Princess but I'm two episodes into The Spanish Princess and it's been a slow warm-up for me.  A couple of inaccuracies have bothered me (particularly the ages of Arthur, Catherine and Henry).  In reality, Arthur and Catherine were 15 when they married and she was a widow by the time she was 16.  She married Henry at 23, he was 18.  In the Starz series, they are portrayed differently.  Also didn't like the wedding night between Arthur and Catherine.  They definitely would have had someone, other than one of her ladies, to check the sheets in the morning to make sure the marriage had been consummated.  She was brought to England to do one thing and one thing only and that was to procreate and form a solid union between Spain and England.  Arthur would have known this was his duty and they definitely would have been expected to do the horizontal hula on their wedding night. 

What I'm looking forward to: 
Fear The Walking Dead (AMC)
Fear the Walking Dead returns on June 2.  I've been watching since day one and I love when Walking Dead and Fear the Walking Dead storylines collide.  I liked Morgan on TWD and like him even more on FTWD.  And now it seems we've got another TWD character cross-over to look forward to this season! 

Big Little Lies 2 (HBO)
Big Little Lies premieres June 9 on HBO with the addition of the one and only Meryl Streep as  Celeste's (Nicole Kidman) mother.  The drama continues with original cast members Reese Witherspoon (Madeline MacKenzie), Nicole Kidman (Celeste Wright), Shailene Woodley (Jane Chapman), Laura Dern (Renata Klein), Zoë Kravitz (Bonnie Carlson).  Adam Scott plays Madeline's husband Ed Mackenzie.  I am not an Adam Scott fan at all but thought he was wonderful in the first season! 

Ballers (HBO)
Season 5's premiere date has not been released but like previous seasons, I'm guessing it will air sometime this summer.  I love this show.  First off, Hello.  The Rock????  Second, the show evolves.  It started off as a show about Spencer Strasmore (played by the always lovable Dwayne Johnson), a former Miami Dolphins star turned financial manager.  But then Spencer decided to expand and diversify (the new Vegas expansion team and extreme sports for example).   

Last season had Spencer, who helps athletes cash in on their dreams with his right-hand man Joe (scene-stealing Rob Corddry), facing a showdown with the NCAA. John David Washington (yes!  Denzel's boy!) will be returning to his role as Ricky Jerret, a top-rated NFL athlete who has a lot of baby mama drama.  We can also expect to see more from Charles (Omar Miller), Vernon (Donovan W. Carter), and Reggie (London Brown). Probably no more Russell Brand though—his Lance was left in the dust.


And now on to the hot mess express: 
The Bachelorette (ABC)
Colton's season was the first time  I had ever watched any of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise and that was only because my oldest daughter knew one of the contestants from Alabama.  My original impression of Hannah B from Tuscaloosa was that she was very very pretty and very sweet.  That impression eventually changed and I really think she's kinda psycho.  And last night was a total shit show.  I don't find her to be authentic and I am going to struggle through the season.  She comes across as one of those girls that's always "on" and requires a lot of attention.  A lot.  Truckloads.  https://www.theringer.com/tv/2019/5/13/18618368/the-bachelorette-season-15-premiere-recap-hannah

There were a couple of interesting contestant's on the Monday night's show:

1. I liked the box guy from Chicago.  I thought he was funny and liked that he had a great big Italian family.  I would have kept him around for giggles.  I love a funny guy. 
2. Mike from Dallas (maybe San Antonio?  IDK) had a KILLER smile and seemed genuine.
3. The golf pro from Birmingham is very good looking.  Hope he's a nice guy.
4. The guy who showed up with a hot dog and condiments.  No.  Just no.
5. Matt Donald.  Unfortunately Matt showed up singing a rendition of Ol' MacDonald that didn't go over too well.  
6. Scott felt like a plant.  The whole thing was forced and contrived and a colossal waste of time.  99.9% of the people on this franchise have a past.  That's why they're on the show.  They've had crappy luck finding a life partner and are hoping to find love on TV (dumb, but whatever).  I was in the minority last night thinking that Scott (if that even is his real name), was kinda right when Hannah Bannanahs confronted him about an alleged girlfriend.  He said it was no different than Hannah Bannanahs claiming to be in love with Colton just a few short months ago.  Well played Scott.  Spoiler:  he was sent packing in a very dramatic fashion.  And that's exactly why I think he was a plant.  The producers know Hannah was not a great choice as the Bachelorette and needed a way for women to get behind her.  And nothing garners the support of other chicks like kicking out a lying cheating bastard.  Girl power and all that. 
7. The dueling pilots.
8. The dancing general contractor. 
9. Demi's back.  She should have been the Bachelorette in my opinion. 
10. Math teacher.  Where was this guy when I was failing Algebra???
11. Luke P.  I mean, God SPOKE to him while he was in the shower.  In.  The.  Shower.  I think we're going to be seeing a LOT more of Luke in the upcoming season.  Like, a LOT more.  He looks like he's never passed up an opportunity to take his shirt off. 
12. Fence jumping guy. 
13. Campus looked nice.  And Bryant-Denny Stadium stole the show.  #RollTide

Met Gala 2019 (part I)

Inspired by an essay written by Susan Sontag titled Notes on "Camp," 58 definitions were penned in 1964 to explain just what Andrew Bolton, the museum's curator in charge of the Costume Institute, has chosen as the most relevant fashion movement of the year. In 1964, Sontag tried to make sense of the notoriously hard-to-define aesthetic in her bullet-pointed treatise by saying camp is the “love of the unnatural: of artifice and exaggeration.”

 

The love of the unnatural, the exaggeration immediately made me think of:

B-52's

Chris March from Project Runway

Divine

 

Falling on the traditional "Met Monday" (first Monday of May), the exhibition launched with fashion's largest celebration at The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City marking the event's 71st anniversary. This year, the Gala co-chairs will be Lady Gaga, Gucci creative director Alessandro Michele, Harry Styles (the youngest co-chair ever), and Serena Williams. As with previous years, there is a dinner, performances, and a tour of the exhibit for the guests.

Oh Boy.  This year's event was not good.  I think the theme, "Camp," was a little tricky and most decided to play it safe. 

Let's start with those who did not read their e-mail:

I know there's a story  behind the fireman's jacket but she could have went nuts with the theme! 

 

Dakota Johnson (this would have worked perfectly at last year's theme!)

Demi Moore

Emma Roberts (or bath scrubbie?)

Emma Stone in Louis Vuitton

Gal Gadot (one of the most beautiful women in the world.  Except in this lacy get-up). 

Goop

Hailey Bieber

Jennifer Connelley (also one of the most beautiful women in the world)

Ugh

Karlie Kloss

Kate Moss

Katie Holmes

Kim K.

Michael B. Jordan (aka Michael B. Boring)

Mindy Khaling

Odell Beckham, Jr. 

Olsens

Penelope Cruz

Dude!  Come on!  You just played one of the most campy people in history!  Didn't you learn anything????

Love Regina King but this would have been better during awards season!

Rita Ora

Sienna Miller

Solange Knowles

Tom & Gisele (she should have worn an over-the-top Brazilian Carnivale costume!)

Tory Burch and Kerry Washington (both wearing Tory Burch)

And here are some famous offspring: 

Bella Haddid

Bette Midler with daughter Sophie

Billie Lourd (girl!  come on!  Your mom was Princess Leia!  Hair in cinnabuns?  That skimpy outfit from the scene with Jabba the Hut????  Any of this ring a bell???)

Charlotte Pomeline Casiraghi (second child of Caroline, Princess of Hanover, and Stefano Casiraghi, an Italian industrialist. She is eleventh in line to the throne of Monaco. Her maternal grandparents were Rainier III, Prince of Monaco, and American actress Grace Kelly). 

Gigi Haddid

Kendall Jenner (if I had to pick a favorite of the Kardashian/Jenner Clan, Kendall would be it) 

Kylie Jenner

Lily Rose-Depp (how awesome would it have been if she showed up dressed as Jack Sparrow???)

Miley Missed the Mark

Patrick Schwarzenegger

Riley Keough (should have worn one of Elvis's jumpsuits!!!)

Tracy Ellis Ross (pay homage to your Mama!!!)