Rico Bye!

Paradise giveth, and Paradise taketh away.  Last night Paradise  took Jordan and Christian away from the show but not before giving Bachelor Nation a look at their piñata throwdown in its full, ridiculous glory.

The last episode of ABC's Bachelor in Paradise left us literally in the middle of a physical fight. A physical fight that started because of a piñata. The Mayor (Jordan Kimball) decided to knock down the piñata Rico Suave (Christian Estrada) had set up for Numnuts Nicole which then led to them pushing each other back and forth...

And this is where last night's episode picks up.  After the pushing escalates, The Mayor of Paradise body slams Rico Suave off of one of those daybed platform things and they continue trying to fight each other on the beach. At this point, security rushes in to pull them off each other. Jordan moves away from the situation with no problem, but Rico Suave breaks free and tries to run back to The Mayor.  Jordan. Twice. Of course, the, like, eight security guards catch him easily. Rico also takes off his shirt while security is walking him away.  Because.  Ya' know.  He's Rico Suave.   

This goes on for a few minutes, even after producers and security get involved. Christian keeps trying to break free to pummel Jordan, who keeps calling him a “bitch.” “I would be pissed if I was Christian, too,” mumbles Blake, while Mike faults “both parties” for being stupid. As for Nicole, her reign as Queen of Paradise has come to an abrupt and sobering end. “It’s one thing to be, like, this fiery guy, but it’s another thing to put someone in danger and, like, physically hurt someone.”

 

The production team agrees. “Anybody who touches anybody else, we can’t have it,” a producer tells Rico.  Though the rest of the contestants are worried that production is going to be shut down completely (again), Troop Leader Chris Harrison arrives to tell them that The Mayor and Rico have been sent home… and it’s back to business as usual in Paradise.  "We had to send two men home," Nicole says, dramatically. Well, they served their time.

 

Speaking of NumNuts, with Rico Suave on the next flight back to Miami, she conveniently finds comfort in Clay Harbor once again. She wanted a man who would be more aggressive in pursuing her, she says of the fight, "but not like this." Nicole and Clay kiss on a daybed next to what appears to be an unacknowledged plate of petit fours. All is well.

Also with Jordan and Christian gone, now only two men are set to leave at the rose ceremony. Two men gone means two more men get to stay this week. But who will give Paradise’s current floaters — Cam, Kevin, Wills, and JPJ — a rose? One possible source: Onyeka. “I have the power!” she says. “Like, woo me.” Anyone? Anyone? But no one seems interesting in forming a “connection” with her.  The rose that is most up in the air is Hannah Godwin's.  Poor Hannah's debating between Vitamin B and Vitamin D.  I see what you did there Hannah! 

 

Dylan takes his shot by setting up a picnic spread complete with a cheese plate and Hannah’s favorite candy, gummy worms.   Blake tries to top that by commissioning a mariachi quartet by saying, "Tonight I want to remind you why you have a little bit of a crush on me" and they swing dance (Blake's signature move).  Nobody swing dances to Cielito Lindo! Even so, Hannah LOVES it.   Blake and Hannah start making out, right where Dylan can see them. "Everyone’s like, 'Don't watch,'" says Dylan. "I'm like, 'I need to see it.'" He cries.  Man, can this guy cry!  Again with the smooching Blake right in front of Dylan! “Hannah, come on, baby,” says Mike The Man. “Don’t do my boy Dylan like that… You know better.” “She’s putting me through so much s—,” says Dylan through tears. “It’s not fair.” Again with the crying.  

 

On to the Rose Ceremony! 

 

Before the ceremony even begins, Onyeka Ehie announces that she'll be leaving. As she says in her confessional, "I just feel like I've been passed by by every person here ... The same girls are going on the same dates." That really sucks. It also sucks that this is hard for her to the point where she feels she can't just chill on the beach and drink margaritas with Wells Adams. You can tell the pressure really got to her.

Chris Harrison is mid-preamble when Onyeka interrupts. “Can I say something really quick?”
“I can’t give out a rose to anyone tonight,” she says tearfully. “I’ve met amazing friends, so I’m not leaving here with nothing.”  With this revelation, now three guys are going home.

Demi gives her rose to Derek.  Katie gives her rose to Contestant Emeritus Chris Bukowski.  NumNuts Nicole gives her rose to Clay (turns out she doesn’t want a spicy assertive rageaholic after all!).  Caelynn gives her rose to Dean and Tayshia asks JPJ to accept her rose which he replies "Yas Queen!"  Sydney (why is she still here????) gives her rose to Mike the Man.  Hannah gives her rose to (cue the suspenseful music) Dylan.  Mike is to see Blake get the shaft.  Basically everyone but Blake is grinning ear-to-ear over this development. Hannah thanks Dylan for being “patient” and “understanding” and “awesome” before handing him the rose. Everyone is happy about her decision.  And this is where I take issue. 

 

Obviously, I'm a little biased when it comes to Hannah G because I do think she's a very sweet girl.  I find Dylan creepy and obsessive.  He had his eyes set on Hannah before the show even started and I think he covets her in a trophy way.  He's in love with the idea of her.  Not with her.  And I'm annoyed that everyone in Paradise is convinced she's breaking his heart.  He knows what he signed  up for.  She feels pressure to be with Dylan because he's a good guy and Blake is not.  The other Runner-Ups just need to lay off and stay in their lanes (I'm looking at you Tayshia). 

 

And then, in a bizarre, unforeseen twist, Kristina gives her rose to Blake!  Wait.  What???  The cast is positively shook about Kristina and Blake. Why would she choose Blake? Does she really think he deserves a second chance at love like she says? 

 

Well, after the ceremony she goes up to Blake and says, "Welcome to your personal hell, because you're going to be here to watch [Dylan and Hannah]." Wow. This is like when she asked Blake on a date and told the camera, "I'm going to make him my bitch."  She's cold as ice.  And I like it.  She could have given her rose to Wills, Kevin, or even AlwaysBeCam, for crying out loud!  Instead, those three dudes are going home. Fare thee well, guys! We’ll probably see at least one of you on the beach next season.  Cam says "Always Be Crying" as he makes his exit.

The next day, a new lady enters Paradise. I vaguely remember this woman from Colton’s season of The Bachelor, but nothing really jumps out.  After getting the polite brush-off from Dean, Derek, and JPJ, Caitlin decides to ask her old Stagecoach buddy Blake on the date.  Yes.  You read that correctly.  In what has to be the greatest moment of the night, Blake confirms, "We met at Stagecoach.  Nothing happened!” Are you shitting me right now??  Good lord, was there some kind of Bachelor Nation tent at the festival or something? In case anyone was wondering about Stagecoach:  here's the link to the 2019 line-up:  https://www.stagecoachfestival.com/lineup#/artists/alphabetical  Some pretty big names.  2020 dates for the Indo, CA festival have been announced:  April  24-26. 

 

Either way, Blake is just happy that someone is into him. Their date activity is Tantric yoga.  Let’s get those sexual chakras flowing.  

After the intense stretching, Blake fills Caitlin in on his Paradise (and pre-Paradise) history with the women on the beach. It is a long monologue punctuated only by Caitlin’s confused “Uh-huhs.” When Blake’s finished, Caitlin assures him that it’s all “fine,” and they make out in the pool. 

 

Producers are all, Don’t get too happy too quick, Blake! As soon as he and Caitlin return from their date, Sydney finds a date card addressed to Dylan. Of course, he asks Hannah to come, much to Blake’s chagrin. “It sucks that they’re, like, dating right in front of me,” he complains.

 

Moving away from that mess, Dylan and Hannah finally get some alone time that isn't full of tears and the threat of Hannah and Blake breaking into dance. At dinner, Dylan can’t help but be a little too eager. First, he tells Hannah that the reason he fought so hard for her is because he was inspired by his mom, who fiercely held the family together when his dad was diagnosed with cancer. Then, he drops a partial l-bomb: “I’m starting to fall in love with you.” She doesn’t reciprocate exactly, but Hannah assures Dylan that she is “all in” with him.  Um.  Congratulations??  “I know that she’ll get there,” says creepy Dylan. And cue the Aztec warrior-dancers!

 

Back at the beach, Katie and Chris are being all flirty and cute. He thinks his sixth Bachelor show might really be the charm. Back in 2015, Chris hit “rock bottom” when he exited Paradise by walking through a beach bonfire. Today, though, he’s “in a better place” and “excited about Katie.”

 

And Tayshia and John Paul Jones are also all flirty and cute. JPJ admits that he feels "like a nervous schoolboy," "completely incapacitated," and "foolish even going after her." But he also calls Tayshia "the most incredible woman [he's] ever met in [his] life." He can't believe a woman as beautiful as her is giving him the time of day, and even says he's starting to fall in love with her.

 

JPJ reveals to Tayshia that he was in a serious relationship after college and was close to getting engaged, but he decided she wasn’t the one. “I’ve known for a long time that I’m ready to settle down,” he says. “I’m looking forward to spending more time with you.” Indeed, JPJ is a little sad that he didn’t get to see much of Tayshia until night fell, but she has a perfect excuse: “It’s not my fault that you take 12 naps a day, JPJ!” Wow, this man may be my spirit animal.

 

“I think it’s bizarre that JPJ and I are hitting it off like we are,” she admits. “He’s extremely intelligent and very good to look at.” And she seems to be into it, going in for a kiss and admitting in confessional interviews that there's a lot more to JPJ than meets the eye. Although what meets the eye is, as she puts it, "a really hot version of Heath Ledger," which is nothing to sneeze at either.  My prediction for season's end is that JPJ and Tayshia won't necessarily walk away engaged, but they will have a cute time in the fantasy suite and leave with each other's final roses.

 

The final act of this episode however, is all about Demi. Derek, The John Krasinski lookalike, says Demi is helping to heal his “wounded heart.” Unfortunately, Demi is still thinking about Kristian, the woman she was dating back home. “One of them deserves to have all of me.” It’s hard for her to make a choice, Demi continues, when one of her options isn’t there with her in Paradise. Hmmm… something tells me that’s going to change. But first…

 

Yes, former Bachelorette Hannah Brown has flown all the way to Mexico to give Demi a pep talk about being her true self, etc. As soon as she’s done catching up with Hannah, Demi pulls Derek aside for an “open and honest” and, one would think, share some news with him about how she feels. But instead, it's just the same thing she's been saying all along about liking him and liking the the girl back home.  “I really, really think about [Kristian] a lot, and I have so many feelings for her,” she says. “And I have so many feelings for you, too, and I’m so confused.”   And as he has been all along, Derek is chill and says he just wants to spend whatever time with her he can.  Derek is understandably disappointed, but he believes that they have a “special connection” and he doesn’t want to walk away from their relationship yet. “It’s okay to not know how you feel,” he adds. “I’m not giving up now… I want you in my life.” Awww, is this guy a gem or what?

 

And the episode ends on a cliffhanger (of course!) with Demi requesting to speak with Chris Harrison. 

 

 

Heartbreak Hacienda

Lots of heartbreak last night on BIP.  Poor Hannah.  Poor Derek.  Poor Dylan.  Poor Cam.  Poor Clay. 

According to Demi, everyone thinks she and Derek are the strongest couple in Paradise.  And why wouldn’t they? The guy is willing to smell her stinky armpit.  That's true love right there.  Like when my husband asks me to smell the container of sour cream because he thinks it's bad.  It's called "sour" cream for a reason honey. 

But Demi is feeling “conflicted” about their relationship because she’s still thinking about the woman she was dating before she came to Paradise. Though she’s not yet ready to tell Derek what’s bothering her, she does confide in Katie. “I’ve been dating a woman back home,” she says. “I do miss her and I think about her all the time.” Being on Paradise, Demi adds, was a way for her to “figure out stuff” about herself. “I’m always afraid of how people are going to take it,” says Demi, tearing up. “There’s layers to me… This is about me embracing that side of me.”

Demi recently told her parents that she “likes boys and girls,” and they supported her. That’s nice to hear, especially since Demi says she’s been surrounded by people who made her feel “really bad” and “unworthy” her whole life.

Having failed to talk to Hannah during her dance lesson with Blake, Dylan manages to pull her aside the next day for a WTF chat. “I just don’t see why you’re so open to other things right now if we’re doing so well,” he says.  Honestly, he's got to go.  Just go already.  Hannah insists that she owes it to herself to stay “open-minded.”  "I feel like I don't know something," he says. And there it is folks.  Hannah G casually mentions that there is one other thing: Before Paradise, Blake flew to see Hannah in Birmingham.  Uninvited but apparently not unwelcome. Apparently, Blake told her, "In order to show you who I am, I booked a flight to Birmingham." “Like, we kissed there,” says Hannah.  At this news, Dylan just walks away. Poor Dylan!  Keep walking buddy.  Keep walking. 
“This is just like the ultimate slap in the face,” he moans. And Tayshia is having none of it.  She's pissed that Hannah didn’t mention Blake’s little visit before her date with him last week. She said she and Hannah bonded over being blindsided by Colton Underwood on The Bachelor. This being the case, Tayshia thinks Hannah should have told her about her previous connection to Blake before Tayshia went on a date with him on the first night.

When confronted though, Hannah claims that Blake’s trip to Birmingham was a “private thing” and she didn’t tell anyone “out of respect for him.” On top of that, she feels “attacked” by Tayshia. “I feel like she Mean Girled me,” she whispers.  And she is 100% right.  Tayshia was being a salty bitch.  Stay in your lane Tayshia.

 

Some guy named Dean’s here.  He homeless and unemployed.  He sometimes showers in lakes and rivers.  “You are a catch!” jokes Harrison. “What woman wouldn’t want to lock you down?” And he's sporting a ridiculous porn-stache.  “It’s a little ‘70s,” says the Chris Harrison.  “Like you might be shooting videos in the Valley somewhere.” (That’s where they used to shoot porn, kids). 

After chatting with Katie, Onyeka, and his Paradise ex Kristina, Dean sits down with Caelyn, who is, in his words, “an absolute mess right now.” You see, earlier that afternoon, Kristina rather cluelessly had a conversation with Wells about Caelyn, even though Caelyn was sitting right next to her. The beauty queen is understandably annoyed at Kristina for “spreading my business to every guy on this beach.” And she also mentions something about being slut shamed.  Still, she pulls it together long enough to say yes when Dean asks her on a date.  Though Caelyn says she’s “very guarded” going into her date with Dean (“he has a reputation”), that guard comes down pretty quick and she still manages to kick back a margarita or two. 

On their date, Dean said he was ashamed of how he acted on Paradise before, and that he would never do it again. But Caelyn said she was very intrigued by Dean and his lifestyle, which is aimless traveling. He openly has no ambitions and no foresight. Caelyn loves it. Caelyn is 23. She loves how honest he is about who he is. "He's enigmatic and mysterious," she said. Oh, Caelyn. Ah, youth. This new development between Caelyn and Dean leaves Mike The Man and Cam out in the cold, at least for now. "I think the Caelyn ship has sailed,” sighs Cam sadly. “It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”  The poor guy is suicidal. 

And then some guy named Christian showed up.  I will call him Rico Suave from now on.  Who's Christian, you ask? “He was a night-one guy on Becca’s season,” explains Jordan, the self proclaimed Mayor of Paradise.  “Stood by the meatballs the whole night and was just the guy with the mustache.” And apparently Jordan doesn't approve of Rico Suave's choice of footwear either.  “He wore athletic shoes to Paradise,” says Jordan, appalled. “Like, on entrance.”  "Go buy a pair of espadrilles you fucking asshole," says Jordan when Christian shows up to the beach in running shoes. For the record, espadrilles are a great beach look.  And kudos to Jordan for knowing what espadrilles are.  That modeling gig is really paying off. 

Now Rico Suave is hoping to secure another 15 minutes by romancing Nicole. And she LOVES it. “I was kind of expecting her to maybe say no because she already had a good connection she already had a good connection here,” says Clay. “But she didn’t, and she agreed to go on a date with him.”
And it’s going to be hard for Clay to compete with Rico Suave because the new guy is totally Nicole’s type. “He reminds me of a man I would have dated in Miami… I just met him and he’s already making me feel like he’s my boyfriend.” Well if that's the case, maybe you should have just stayed in Miami???  Nicole has now been on three dates, which leads her to declare, "I feel like the Bachelorette!" It's very cute, even though the shit is about to hit the fan.

 

Poor Clay. Might be time to start packing. “I worry that he’s a little too passive,” says Nicole. “What I like about Christian is he’s totally unafraid to just go for it.” She wants a man who’s going to be (respectfully) assertive about getting her attention, and she tells Clay as much. “You definitely have the opportunity to pull me aside,” she says. “I had a good time on today’s date mostly just because Christian was really assertive, and that’s kind of a quality I do like.”

Clay quickly gets a chance to prove how assertive he can really be. Rico Suave strolls up to the day bed, drink in hand, and announces that he wants to finish his date with Nicole. “She’s all yours tomorrow, if that’s what she wants,” he says. Clay begs to differ. “Your date’s over when you come back to Paradise,” he says calmly. “You had a date, and your date’s over.”

Nicole looks like she can’t decide if she loves it that two grown men are fighting over her, or if she’s mortified that two grown men are fighting over her. But she for sure doesn’t like it when Rico Suave puts her on the spot by asking her to settle the dispute. “I’m just catching up with [Clay] now,” she says. Finally, Rico Suave walks back to the bar, where he and the lizard crawling up his shirt have some much-needed quiet time.

 

Next week we'll see the rose ceremony but Chris Harrison does the numbers for those of us who are mathematically challenged:  “The numbers are even worse this week. Nine of you ladies, thirteen guys here. Four men are going home tonight.” You heard the man, folks — get to work!

 

At the cocktail party, there's a lot of flirting going on. Mike The Man is getting to know Sydney.  His move involves bringing her a banana split sundae and praising her “core values.”  I can't figure this girl out.  She looks bored to death on the show (as she did on Colton's season).  She looks too smart to be on this type of reality show.  Katie and Chris are still hanging out. And, most importantly, John Paul Jones has memorized lines from Romeo and Juliet to recite to Tayshia, who he calls "hands down the most beautiful girl here." His recital doesn't go so smoothly, but it wins Tayshia — and Bachelor Nation — over. No one saw this coming, including Tayshia.  She LOVES it. “Usually guys that talk like him don’t have a brain like him,” she purrs. Tayshia was into his intellectual surfer dude vibe.

Demi has no doubt that she wants to give her rose to Derek, but first she needs to tell him the truth about her love life: “I have, like, been casually dating someone, and… it’s a woman.” Derek doesn’t flinch, so Demi plows forward, telling him that she’s still “very much interested” in dating him, provided he has no issues with her revelation. Derek truly seems unfazed, though he is a little worried that Demi might have stronger feelings for the woman back home than she does for him. The two agree to take it slow, and all is right with the world. “How he handled it was so perfect,” gushes Demi. “He exceeded my expectations entirely.”

                                                                                                                          

Over on another daybed, the battle for Nicole rages on. Rico Suave sets up a little beachside rendezvous complete with champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, and… a piñata? Okay. Clay watches from afar and decides that he needs to interrupt Rico Suave's romantic tableau. If Nicole wants him to be more assertive, he’ll be more assertive dammit!  But when he tries to “steal” Nicole for a minute, Rico Suave puffs his chest up and barks, “I’m not gonna let you take her!” Nicole looks so uncomfortable, Clay backs down, much to the chagrin of the other guys — especially Jordan. In an effort to avenge his friend, the pot-stirring model jogs over to where Rico Suave and Nicole are sitting and tries to yank the piñata down. It does not go over well.  Rico Suave tries to stop him and that's how the big fight happens. It moves very quickly from a little shove over the piñata to a full on wrestling match. The episode ends before the fight is even over.

This episode leaves us with several few questions:

• Who are you rooting for in the Clay-Nicole-Christian triangle?
• Why aren't more of the ladies into Mike Johnson?  They all seem to like him, but he's not really dating anyone. Are they all part of a plan to make him Bachelor? ~Conspiracy!~
• Is it possible that Tayshia is truly into John Paul Jones?
• Would you date an unemployed van-dweller with a porn-star mustache? 
• Why is everyone so upset with my girl Hannah G when Nicole and Caelyn have each gone on several dates?  And Caelyn clearly only kissed ABCam just to get a rose and keep the free vacay going. 
• Why was JPJ sleeping in the pool and why isn't he getting more airtime dammit?????!!!!!

BIP

As I was new to The Bachelor and the Bachelorette, I am a first-timer when it comes to Bachelor in Paradise.  The first time I had heard about the show was when there was some inappropriate behavior and filming was stopped.  IDK the particulars so I will just leave it at that. 

Here's a list of the Bachelor In Paradise 2019 players if you need a quick recap: 
https://ftw.usatoday.com/2019/08/bachelor-in-paradise-2019-cast-guide-photos

Last night was episode #3 (or, the first episode of week #2 -- the show airs on Monday's and Tuesday's) and consists of, for lack of a better word, the "unchosen" from previous seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.  IDK what they call the people on BIP.  Are they called the "cast?"  Are they called "daters" or "former" Bachelors or Bachelorettes?  Someone enlighten me please! 

This show is weird to me on so many levels.  Similar to the Bachelor or Bachelorette, I've noticed that several "contestants" have mentioned that their goal is to be engaged by the end of the show.  Much like The Amazing Race or Survivor, everyone seems to have a plan going in.  Like Survior, "the unchosen" go home after each rose ceremony.  Unlike the Amazing Race, the "contestants" don't seem to do much.  They just kind of hang around the house (which is insane BTW) and wait to go on dates.  It's reminds me of a harem or the minors.  Everyone one is just lounging around until they get called up to the big leagues.  The "unchosen" have obviously watched previous seasons and know in advance who they are attracted to and interested in.  A couple of unexpected/unannounced "contestants" are also thrown into the mix to liven things up.  Last night we saw Mike the Man from Hannah Bannanas season show up and some tool named Jordan.  Holy shit.  That guy is a total ass clown. More on him later. 

Let's talk about the two Instagram-feuding "contestants" Blake and Caelynn (Caeylnn, IMHO is a trouble-maker.  I do not like her).  After being portrayed as a bed-hopping, music-festival man-whore on last week’s episodes, Blake took to social media to defend himself. He released texts from Caelynn which he says proved they were both just looking for a no-strings-attached hookup. She, in turn, spoke out and said those texts were “not an accurate representation” of their relationship.  Whatever.  They both behaved badly and she came on the show to make him look bad.  They are both idiots. 

There was a rose ceremony last night and Derek (IDK who this guy is) gives his rose to Demi which she accepts with a lusty, “Yeah, bitch!”  Kind of anti-climatic for me since it was leaked that Demi has a girlfriend back home.  Clay gives his rose to Nicole (who was so, so whiney on Colton's season; I think she cried every episode she was in).  Wills (IDK who this guy is) gives his rose to Katie and Kevin gives his rose to Sydney (IDK who either of these people are).  My personal favorite, JPJ gives his rose to Onyeka and ABC Cam gives his rose to Caelynn.  Caelynn clearly made out with him last just to get rose and not be "eliminated."  I do not like her.  Before Blake has his big chance, Dylan gives his rose to Hannah.  Blake, in turn, gives his rose to Tayshia.  Tayshia took Blake's rose only because she wants to stay for the free vacay.  "I'm not a backup plan, and that's what he thinks I am," she says in her confessional. "So, Blake who?"  Contestant Chris gives his rose to Kristina. That means Jane (I think she was the one who tried to kill JPJ last week with poisoned tacos), Bibiana, and Annaliese (IDK who any of these people are) have been eliminated, must extinguish their torches and leave the island at once. 

 

Jordan, the self-proclaimed “Mayor of Paradise,” arrives to a less-than-enthusiastic reception (“Don’t everybody get up at once to meet me!” he jokes).  Even with a date card in hand, poor Jordan can’t get anyone to go out with him.  First, Jordan chats up Hannah; she’s a model too, so Jordan thinks they could be a “Barbie and Ken” power couple. She tells him his eyes are "bomb"; he tells her "You're cuter than I imagined"; and together they recap all the Blake drama. "[Blake's] putting his spoon in all the pudding," Jordan declares. "But this is my beach." He decides to go ahead and ask Hannah on a date and she says "yes."  The whole convo was weird and kind of like rapid-fire dating.  It was like an interrogation or a shady back alley business deal.  The guy is slimy and very full of himself. 

 

Next, he pulls Nicole aside, and when she tells him that she works as a writer, his response is absurd perfection: “I love words.” Once he starts hearing about all of Blake’s pre-Paradise shenanigans, though, Jordan gets distracted from his date mission and asks Kristina to give him the full scoop on the Stagecoach drama. “Blake one-nighted both of these gals like they were a couple of milk cartons at lunch!” he marvels. “You can’t do that, buddy!” 

 

Unfortunately for Jordan, Hannah has a change of heart.  Hannah realized that having two men after her (Dylan and Blake) was more than enough already.  The c–k-blocked Jordan channels all of his irritation in Blake’s direction. “I didn’t come to Blake in Paradise season 1,” he grumbles. “This is Bachelor in Paradise season 6!” To that end, the male model (?) pulls Blake aside to air his grievances, Festivus-style. “I know you. You are better than this,” he tells Blake. “It’s gonna get real crazy if there’s eight girls here saying they’re seeing you. It does not look good.”

On to his Paradise Plan B: Nicole! Jordan tells her that he “respects” her connection with Clay, but that doesn’t mean they can’t go on a date and have some fun, right? Right! Nicole is definitely into Clay, but she also can’t resist the spotlight of attention that a Paradise date brings. “I went from going on zero one-on-one dates on The Bachelor to going on, like, two back-to-back one-on-one dates,” she says with a giggle. “I’m the Bachelorette in Paradise!”  She's an idiot.  Little does Nicole know that Jordan tells the camera and all of Bachelor Nation that she wasn't his first choice. 

Clay handles it well. “In basketball, if you’re open for a shot… and somebody comes out of nowhere and swats it, you can’t be like, ‘Bro, why’d you block my shot?’ That’s the name of the game.”  He goes on to do a bunch of sports analogies like ice being slippery and a some other babble.  All of the women force fake laughter.  Jordan and Nicole have a good time ziplining. Doesn’t Nicole look like she’s having fun????  To be fair, that helmet-cam angle is not very flattering. Even though she had fun on her date with Jordan, Nicole returns to the beach and heads right back into Clay’s arms. “There’s no comparison,” she says, smooching him.

Cam has been laser-beam focused on Caelynn since before he came to Paradise. “Before I was even on The Bachelorette, I wanted her to be my Bachelorette,” he says. “It’s very surreal to think that in a very short period of time, I could be proposing to Caelynn.”  Whoa.  Just Whoa.  Slow your roll, buddy. Caelynn just needed a rose this week.  And she definitely does not need you to read her a two-page handwritten note about how into her you are. Sample line: “I licked my lower lip, and your jalapeno-rita spice still lingered and brought me such joy.”  She looked less than thrilled and not very nice as her read his love letter.  I do not like her. 

                               

Fortunately for us all, help is on the way!  Mike Johnson, owner of the best smile in Bachelor Nation and the man who many of us would like to see as the next Bachelor, has arrived. Cam is bummed because, in his mind, Mike is the reason Hannah Brown sent him home on The Bachelorette. 

Though Onyeka is clearly infatuated with Mike, he asks Caelynn on the date instead. Cam is devastated — a little too devastated, to be honest. “I was born to be a husband, I was born to be a father,” he says tearfully. “It’s gonna happen… I just want it to be here.” Too bad Caeyln looked like a hot sweaty nervous mess on her date with Mike.  Ick.  I do not like her. 

Having struck out with Hannah last week, Wills gives his rose to Katie and then attempts to make his “intentions” known with a private chat the next night. “I feel like you’re such an amazingly beautiful woman, not just physically,” he says. “I feel like you deserve the world, and you deserve someone to take you on a date every single night you’re here.” It’s a lovely sentiment that makes Katie cry… but not in the happy-tears kind of way. She shuts him down and starts crying and just seems incredibly overwhelmed by everything. (In her own words on Twitter, she was "malfunctioning," which is both a hilarious and highly accurate way to put it.).  She's basically incoherent and the only words we hear from her are:  “shut this door” and “it’s not going to be between us right now.”

Out of nowhere here comes some guy named Chris.  “My favorite part of the day is always talking to you,” he says. “It’s easy for me to be open with you.” Suddenly, they’re smooching on the day bed.  From what I can gather, this is not Chris B's first rodeo.  

Producers made sure that Dylan got to go before Blake at the rose ceremony, so he starts the week with the upper hand in this love triangle. But Blake isn’t giving up. “Even though Hannah got her rose from Dylan, I think me and Hannah really do have something special,” he says. “I won’t let any other guys down here come between us.”

Demi and Katie both try to warn Hannah against Blake. It’s obvious to them, and to all of America, that Dylan is the true-blue guy in this scenario. Just look at how happy he is when Hannah tells him she’s not going on a date with Jordan!  I cannot disagree more.  I find Dylan to be smothering and slightly creepy.  And my gay-dar went off big time when he was on Hannah Banannas season. 

Not all of the “ladies” in Paradise trust Hannah or her intentions. “There’s a lot of red flags that Dylan is not seeing,” says Sydney. Oh, okay Sydney.  What about the red flags Hannah's not seeing from Dylan?  Huh, what about those?  Yeah.  That's what I thought.  Zip it Sydney.  “From what I’ve seen of Hannah, she went from really feeling Dylan one second, and then going in with Blake. If I were Dylan, I’d be pissed.”

Don’t worry, Sydney. Dylan is about to be very pissed, because Blake just stole Hannah for a romantic nighttime dance on the beach. “I’m all in,” he tells Hannah. “I wouldn’t be saying the things I’m saying unless I see, like, something past Paradise.” Apparently, the “spin-dancing” thing is Blake’s tried-and-true move: Both Tayshia and Kristina say he used it on them in the past. And dancing, of course, leads to kissing.
                                   And then things get hella awkward.  Dylan is creepily watching the action on the beach and after watching his crush smooch Blake for a few minutes, Dylan works up the courage to interrupt them. He asks Hannah to come chat with him, but Blake objects. “I feel like you’ve had her, like, all day man,” he says. “You’ve, like, shadowed her.” Dylan counters that he just wants to focus on Hannah, while Blake has been hitting on “every other girl here.” Burn! Blake, in turn, accuses Dylan of making Hannah feel uncomfortable, and on and on it goes. 

I've noticed that the male "contestants" behave like caveman and don't really seem to care what their female counterparts think.  Kind of like Luke P or douche canoe Jed, these guys have clearly set their sights on one woman and will stop at nothing to get her.  She's a prize to them rather than a love interest or life partner.  I love a strong, sexy alpha male as much as the next person but these guys are taking chest beating to a whole 'nother level. 

At this point I was a bit disappoint and frustrated as my girl Hannah she just stood there twirling her hair.  I don't know why she didn't say something to either or both of these hormonal neanderthals.  Instead she remains quiet and cute looking blankly at Dylan until he walks away. “She’s a freaking player!” grouses Tayshia. “Just like Blake.”

The episode ends with Dylan in his confessional wondering if Hannah and Blake hooked up prior to BIP.  The trailer for the next episode shows one of "ladies" asking "did you fly to Alabama?" 

Still not enough JPJ in this episode. 

Blondes having more fun???

Being a Bachelor novice, I had no idea there was a thing referred to as the "Blond-Out."  It usually occurs halfway through each season of The Bachelor, when the fun goes away and things get serious. At the beginning, there are almost 30 women and the Bachelor must pretend interest in all of them while going on goofy dates and trying to stir up drama. By the end, there are only a handful of women left standing and the Bachelor struggles to give each meaningful time as he decides on who he wants to wife-up.   

It's called the "Blond-Out" because at the beginning the Bachelor acts like he’s looking for love with women of all races, creeds and hair color.   By the end, all pretensions have faded away; the Bachelor has looked deep within his soul and has realized that he just wants to pick the girls he’s most attracted to.  Which is OK and I'm not sure why everyone's dogging Colton on this.  He's attracted to Blondes.  So what?  That's usually how relationships start.  With attraction.  You're attracted to someone for some reason.  It may be their height, it might be you find their sense of humor attractive.  You might find something attractive about their physique.  You might find their mind attractive.  It's that first spark.  And if Colton's not attracted to Sydney (who was a bit of a downer) or Nicole because she lacks self-confidence or Oneka (spelling?) because she caused some drama, is it really his fault?  Would it be OK if he was only attracted to red-haired, one-eyed, left-handed girls under 5 ft tall? 

There appears to be some confusion as to whether this season is to be considered a "Total Blond-Out" given the fact that Tayshia has blond highlights and is full-on blond in her Instagram avi.  But, for all intents and purposes, let's just rule her a non-blond (let's just agree to consider women with brunette hair who have gone ombre as blond. For example, Kirpa has natural black hair but has dyed it primarily blond). 

Only one blond woman was eliminated this week, and it was the one all of Twitterverse was divided on.  Demi.  Cute, little Demi from Texas.  Demi with the convict mom.  Aggressive Demi.  Yes folks, Demi is gone.  Felled by either her own hubris or Colton’s inability to see greatness. I'm thinking it was the former.  That girl was bound and determined to take Colton's V-card. 

Demi didn’t get into any hijinks this week or make any snarky comments about the ages of the other contestants (because let's face it.  All the old ladies were gone already.  It was past their bed time).  She let Colton talk to her newly-released-from-prison-mom on the phone (which was weird but sweet.  She clearly loves her mom).  Demi then later told Colton she was “falling in love” with him. While some folks are blasting Colton for his reaction to this, I think it was smart to let her know they were not on the same page.  So he immediately sent her home (which kinda stinks because it's a long flight home from Vietnam and she left in the middle of the night during a thunder storm).   

Many have said that Colton’s getting the formula of this Bachelor thing wrong. He’s supposed to eliminate women as he gets closer to finding the person he wants to propose to. What formula?  Maybe some of these viewers have watched one too many seasons and have become jaded?  Maybe I'm looking at this with fresh eyes? 

In back-to-back weeks, Colton is the one who has gotten dumped rather than doing the dumping.  Last week, Elyse left Colton because she felt she wasn’t getting enough one-on-one time after a strong start.  Sydney left because, among other things, she felt Colton was making “easy choices” instead of picking women who were actually interested in getting married to him.  My only issue with Sydney is that rather than take the high road and wish everyone well, she decided to label the remaining contestants as "shiny objects."  I thought that was a bit much coming from a Knicks dancer.  To me, it came across as Sydney was a bit jealous that she didn't have that spark (or sparkle) to capture Colton's eye.  Which is ironic considering she's a dancer for the NBA.  Doesn't she have to have some spark on the court???

According to Wikipedia’s Bachelor season summaries, 11 women voluntarily left the show over the course of the last 10 seasons. Usually one woman leaves per season but Colton's already lost two. But going even deeper, the timing is worrisome. Like Colton, Ben Higgins lost two women on his season, but they both left by Week 3. Six of the 11 self-inflicted departures came in the first three weeks.

I get it.  A woman auditions for the show for whatever reason, gets cast, gives it a shot, and then realizes they hate cameras, would rather be with their family/friends/dog, and goes home. Or, if they are like me, they would have tapped out the minute they heard they were going to Singapore and Vietnam.  The humidity would have killed me.  No lie.  My hair would have been a hot mess, my make-up would have slid right off my face and the boob sweat would not have been pretty.  If the producers handed me a ticket to Singapore, I would have instanteously replied, "Yeah.  No thanks.  That's not gonna happen.  Good luck Colton!" 

Colton has lost women in Weeks 5 and 6—well over a month into his relationships with them, over halfway through the season. Only one Bachelor has lost a contestant after Week 6, as Colton did—Juan Pablo, who was ditched by Sharleen and Andi within the final four episodes. From what I've heard, Juan Pablo is considered The Worst Bachelor. With capital letters just like that. 

These girls are not only dumping Colton, they are messing with his head.  When Sydney walked off, she told Colton that he might be in trouble because some of the remaining women were “not ready” for marriage. Colton explained to the camera that he thought she meant Demi, so then he went and dumped Demi. But then Demi told Colton the same thing as she was leaving.  And then after eliminating Katie in the rose ceremony (who came out of NO WHERE this week!  I swear to God, I had never seen that girl before last night!!!), she said the same thing. Colton is now officially flabbergasted and sputtering “Am I fucking missing something?” to the camera as he tries to figure out who the unready one is.

I'm guessing Hannah B is one of the ones "not ready" for marriage.  I also think Heather (who has now been kissed) is the next to go home.  She doesn't bring anything to this relationship.  Hannah B started out by forgetting how to use her big girl words by turning a simple toast into a minute-long self-destruction which ended with a #RollTide. Since then, she has learned that she’s quite capable of communicating nonverbally. She has beaten up several opponents (all during sanctioned fights, don’t worry) and now it’s become clear that her favorite form of communication is unhinging her jaw and emitting a whispery shriek, like a wild animal. She refers to it as the Hannah Beast.

In other, exciting news, Colton and my girl Hannah G went on a spa date where they were wrapped up in large leaves which caused Colton to make the awkward joke "I'd eat that sushi."  Hannah's doing great.  She's made herself noticed, in a good way, and is staying out of the drama.  I've said it before but I'm really proud of the way she's handling herself.  She's not desperate or showy and is just letting this thing evolve.  Good for her! 

The mystery of how Kirpa suddenly showed up last week with an unexplained bandage on chin has been explained.  Nothing nefarious, it turns out she fell while trying to take a selfie.  This is the second time this season that an episode has left an obvious mystery unsolved—the first being whether or not Bri ever told Colton about her fake Australian accent.  I thought she was so cute and would have gone a lot farther than she did!  I guess Bri didn't realize there was a "formula" to this show.  But what do I know? 

The Future is Female

Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social equality of sexes.  This includes seeking to establish educational and professional opportunities for women that are equal to those for men.

 

Feminist movements have campaigned and continue to campaign for women's rights, including the right to vote, to hold public office, to work, to earn fair wages or equal pay, to own property, to receive education, to enter contracts, to have equal rights within marriage, and to have maternity leave. Feminists have also worked to ensure access to legal abortions and social integration, and to protect women and girls from rape, sexual harassment, and domestic violence. Changes in dress and acceptable physical activity have often been part of feminist movements.

I think feminism means different things to different people.  To me personally, feminism means equality and freedom.  Equal pay, equal rights, equal opportunities, freedom from sexual harassment, freedom from persecution of sexual preferences.  I think feminism is about being what ever you want to be and being supported.  If you want to be a brain surgeon or a rocket scientist, great!  Go for it!  If are most happiest being a stay at home mom or volunteering at your child's school, wonderful!  Raise those little humans to be great grown-ups!  I think feminism is not questioning someone else's decisions.  I've always said I've been on both side of the working mom/stay-at-home-mom fence (as well as the great "to breast feed or not to breast feed" debate) and one is not easier than the other.  You've got to do what's best for you and for your family.  Women don't need to bash other women and I hope I've instilled that in my girls.  You don't need to put someone else down to raise yourself up. 

So here we are, almost a full month into 2019 and we've had some incredible "firsts" so far this year.  It got me to thinking about where we're headed in sports, in business, life in general.  And how far we still have to go. 

 

 In case you missed it this month: 

Sarah Thomas  is an American football official from the United States, and is currently an official for the National Football League (NFL). Thomas was the first woman to officiate a major college football game, the first to officiate a bowl game, and the first to officiate in a Big Ten stadium. On April 8, 2015, Thomas was hired as the first full-time female official in NFL history,and for the 2018 NFL season, she is on the officiating crew headed by referee Ronald Torbert. She was originally assigned officiating uniform number 153 (as seen in many photos), but currently Thomas is a down judge with the NFL officiating uniform number 53, worn in past seasons by umpire Garth DeFelice, line judge Bill Reynolds, and field judge Frank Kirkland.  

Thomas was born in 1973 in Pascagoula, Mississippi.  She attended Pascagoula High School, where she lettered five times in softball. She attended the University of Mobile on a basketball scholarship and was an academic all-American.

Thomas began her officiating career in 1996, when she attended a meeting of the Gulf Coast Football Officials Association. She worked her first varsity high school game in 1999.

In 2006, Gerry Austin, Conference USA's coordinator of officials and a former NFL official, invited her to an officials' camp. Austin was impressed with her skills and hired her for the Conference USA staff.  In 2007, Thomas became the first woman to officiate a major college football game, working a game between Memphis and Jacksonville State.  Before that game, Austin said, "She came highly recommended by two NFL scouts. She has a good presence and demeanor. I feel like she has the ability and courage to make a call, and the guts to not make one, too."

During the 2009 season, Thomas was one of five female officials in major college football and the only one at the Football Bowl Subdivision level.  She was assigned to a crew and given a full schedule of 11 games. At the end of the season, she was selected to work the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl between Marshall and Ohio, making her the first woman to officiate a bowl game. Regarding her presence, Marshall running back and game MVP Martin Ward said "I noticed her before the game, but that was it. Once the game started, she was just doing the job that the line judge does in every game we play. It didn't matter that she was a woman at all."

On November 12, 2011, Thomas became the first woman to officiate in a Big Ten stadium, working as a line judge when Northwestern hosted Rice.

Thomas has officiated United Football League games, and in 2010 worked the league championship game.

In 2013, Thomas became one of 21 finalists in contention for a permanent NFL officiating position. 

Thomas worked New Orleans Saints scrimmages and was part of the NFL officiating development program, spending three days at the Indianapolis Colts minicamp.

On April 8, 2015, the NFL officially announced that Thomas would become the first permanent female official in NFL history. Thomas made her NFL regular season debut in a game between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Houston Texans at NRG Stadium on September 13, 2015, as part of Pete Morelli's crew as the line judge.

In 2017, Thomas moved to the down judge position. The change in the position name from head linesman coincided with the move in order to use a gender-neutral term. 

Thomas is the first woman to earn an on-field assignment for a playoff game. She was named to the crew for the game between the New England Patriots and Los Angeles Chargers on January 13, 2019.  She was an alternate for the 2018 Atlanta Falcons and Los Angeles Rams Wild Card game.


NHL 2019 All-Star Competition
The Skills Competition took place the day before the All-Star Game on Friday January 25, 2019 at the SAP Center. The winners of each event were awarded $25,000 in prize money.  The league invited Renata Fast and Rebecca Johnston from the Canadian Women's National Team, and Brianna Decker and Kendall Coyne Schofield from the U.S. Women's National Team, to demonstrate some of the events. After Nathan MacKinnon of the Colorado Avalanche (Central Division) pulled out of the fastest-skater event due to a bruised left foot, Coyne Schofield was named as his replacement, becoming the first woman to compete in the All-Stars skills competition.

Brianna Decker demonstrated the premier passer skill, but she was not part of the competition. She was, in fact, three seconds faster than Leon Draisaitl and would have won had her time been included as they did with Kendall Coyne Schofield.  This prompted the hashtag #PayDecker on Twitter, as women's hockey salaries are a fraction of men's hockey salaries.  On January 26, hockey equipment company CCM announced they would give Decker the $25,000 she would have received for winning the competition.

 
Super Bowl LIII
History will be made Sunday night at Super Bowl 53 in Atlanta, but it will happen on the sidelines, not on the field.

That's where you'll spot Quinton Peron and Napoleon Jinnies when the New England Patriots take on the Los Angeles Rams. 

 

Peron and Jinnies will be the first male cheerleaders at the Super Bowl in NFL history, cheering for the Rams alongside their female counterparts. The men already made history at the start of this season when they -- along with dancer Jesse Hernandez of the New Orleans Saints' cheerleading squad -- became the first male cheerleaders in league history.

 

In a tweet last week after his Rams secured a spot in the big game, Peron sent out a shout out to his squadmate:  "Napoleon, you think Atlanta is ready for us?" Peron tweeted. "NAHHHHHH. We're going to the Super Bowl!"

 

The men, both dancers, made the Rams cheerleading squad back in March. Jinnies called making the team a "humbling and amazing" experience. Peron said there wasn't a good reason for him not to try out for the squad.

 

"I was at (an L.A.) Lakers game (right before making the team) and I was watching the Laker Girls," Peron told "Good Morning America" last summer, "and I was asking myself, 'Why can't I be down there?' I've choreographed for girls who dance on pro teams, I've danced with girls on various pro teams. I just thought, 'why not me?'"

 

Other teams, like the Indianapolis Colts and the Baltimore Ravens, have had stuntmen before, USA Today reported, but Peron and Jinnies danced alongside their female teammates and did the same moves during the season.

 

Peron and Jinnies' success inspired 25-year-old Jesse Hernandez to try out for the New Orleans Saints' Saintsations cheerleading team.

 

He told CNN affiliate KATC that his mom sent him a link with their story.  "She told me it was my time to shine," he said in a video posted before his final audition.

 

And then we have this bullshit.  Which, sadly, is not the first time this has happened nor will it be the last. 

The Bachelor
Caelyn, who is competing for Colton Underwood’s heart on season 23 of The Bachelor, was sexually assaulted during her sophomore year at Virginia Commonwealth University.

The 23-year-old Miss North Carolina USA opened up to Underwood, 27, about the incident during last night's episode. 

“It’s definitely the most difficult thing in the world,” a teary Miller-Keyes says to the former NFL player in a teaser for Monday’s episode. “It’s affected every single person in my life.”

After she was raped in college four years ago, “my life was flipped upside down,” Miller Keyes tells PEOPLE. “And even though I’ve moved on, it is something I will struggle with forever.”

                       

The Miss USA runner-up, 23, was a college sophomore in Virginia when a group of male acquaintances at a party allegedly drugged her wine glass, as well as the drinks of two of her friends. The next thing Miller-Keyes knew, “I woke up the next morning and I was completely naked in my bed and I knew that something bad had happened,” she says.

A girlfriend at the get-together, who had not been drugged, alleged that one of the men had had sex with her while she was lying unconscious in the bed. In addition, before the alleged assault, Miller-Keyes says that a friend alleged that  “another guy, I was passed out on a couch from the drugs, and … in front of his fraternity brothers … lifted up my dress, they watched and laughed and took photos and Snapchats. It was horrible,” she told Underwood on The Bachelor.

“These situations happen when you’re safe,” she tells PEOPLE. “They don’t necessarily happen when you’re walking down a dark alley. It’s when you’re comfortable and when you let your guard down.”

Bachelor Recap

I looked back at my first post regarding this season's Bachelor and I was kind of surprised at my comments about Hannah B from Alabama.  After this week's show?  Wow.  I mean.  Just, wow.  She has no chill and has zero F's to give.  The girl seems a bit unhinged.  She's got some triggers for sure.  I'm not trying to be funny, I'm dead serious.  She has a deep, deep need to be perfect and it just about killed her when her roommate placed higher than her at Miss USA.  This goes much deeper than a pageant.  This sounds like a girl who's been pushed to perfection her whole life. 

This is a pic of Hannah B, Caelyn and Miss Louisiana USA from their pageant days.  I think they need to bring Miss Louisiana on the show and see if she can shed some light on the situation.  Maybe Hannah B is wacky, maybe Caelyn is fake and lying.  Who knows? 

 

Colton was getting all involved in the drama and I didn't think that was very cool (although he was totes cute as a pirate!).  He clearly likes Caelyn and believes her side of the story.  How these girls feel about each other really has no bearing on how he feels about them individually. 

 

And then they did that whole Bridal Wars competition which was kinda funny, kinda sad.  But it was very nice to see Terry Crews and his wife Rebecca (I had no idea they have been married almost 30 years!).  Unfortunately, Rebecca's hair reminded me of a vanilla swirl ice cream cone. 

 

Meanwhile, Hannah G is over here just looking cute as usual!!  I really like the way she's coming across on the show.  I'm so glad she's not humiliated herself, she hasn't talked bad about other contests, she's not acting crazy or desperate.